Archive for August, 2012

A Reframe Story About Compassion

Reframe Stories

Reframe Stories are a version of Perspective Change stories. By sharing an example of how a situation you saw in one way could be looked at in a totally different way–i.e. the story reframes the problem or issue–you stimulate the other person to do the same.

Before The Story…Think About This…

Before I tell you this story, I’d like to ask you to think of someone you have strong judgment towards…especially someone who you perceive as mean or antagonistic. Notice what you tell yourself about them and the judgments you have.

“What a cold, hard person!”

OK…now…here’s the story….

While cross country skiing on a snowmobile trail, I was passed by two snowmobiles roaring by. A little distance farther, I came upon the same two men. One sat on his snowmobiles, while the other stood. The one standing was facing in my direction as he talked. The one on the snowmobile facing away from me. As I got closer, I looked at the one facing me, attempting to make eye contact and say “Hi”.

He acted like I wasn’t there. Besides his lack of friendliness—not an uncommon phenomenon in New England—I was struck by the cold, hard set to his face. It was almost menacing.

A Whole New Way of Looking at Him

The following summer, I was walking in the grocery store with my friend Dr. Bonnie Vestal, a medical counselor from Boise, and spotted this man.

“Hey, you see that guy there,” I whispered, “What’s your take on him?” I asked.

She’s one of those people whose impressions and perspectives I frequently seek out, both because of her wisdom and her ability to “see into” others and pick up on their essence, despite the persona they project to the world.

“He looks like someone who was hit in the face as a child,” she said, in a soft, compassionate voice.

Suddenly my judgment toward this man and primal discomfort shifted to one of compassion. Instead of this cold, hard, mean-looking guy, I could see a hurt child who had spent his life trying to protect himself from being hurt.

That’s the power of a reframe.

Back to YOUR person…

As you think of them, see if you can see who they were as a child or, if it’s easier, see if you can imagine what their private life is like—both their internal world and their life outside of their public interactions of work, church, or wherever you encounter them.

How does this perspective help you see them in a new light?

_________

Storytelling Note

The “Before the story, think about this.” section of the story is a direct way to stimulate the reader or listener of your story to think about their own example of the experience you are about to describe. It’s what I call “Linking Phrases” because it helps them link past and future experiences with the particular perspective or emotion that your story is designed to evoke. This increases the odds that your story will help them in the situations (or memories) that they most need to be helped.

Also, because you ask them to think about their own example of the challenging situation, it increases their interest level in your story. As they recall their own version of the problem or challenge, it activates their desire to learn how to deal with it more effectively.

You might notice in my videos, or if you’ve seen me live, that I will sometimes stop in the middle of a story and say something like “Maybe you can think of your own experience where you…” Those are examples of using Linking Phrases to increase the person’s connection–both consciously and unconsciously–with the story. I believe it’s especially helpful for the more concrete people in the audience who might be thinking “Why’s he telling me this story about himself?”

By asking them to think of their own exmaples, it helps them focus on what they care about: their own problems, challenges, and life.

Aug 19, 2012 | 0 comments View Post

Capture stories as they happen–why that’s so important

Elizabeth Gilbert

One of the most questions I’m getting most lately is “Where do I find stories?”

Connected to that questions needs to be the follow-up question, which should be: “How do I remember these stories?”

Now…if you were nearly mauled by a grizzly bear, that’s probably a story you won’t have to consciously try to remember, but…many of the most powerful, nuanced stories come out of small, seemingly unremarkable events.

I say unremarkable in the literal sense: We are unlikely to remark to someone about them, because they aren’t dramatic nor are they unusual. However, it’s often because of their universality that they can reach people that more grand, rare experiences might not. So for instance, this morning, while washing dishes I found myself coming up with a more rich analogy I can use as a framework for teaching storytelling. I got excited and knew that I needed to immediately write down my thoughts.

This thought reminded me of this really cool story that Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love tells about Ruth Stone, a 90 year old American Poet, sharing with her the importance of honoring the muse when she speaks to you, by recording what she tells you. So…I decided to honor the muse by sharing this with you, and then working on a mind map about the analogy.

While recording our flashes of insight and creative inspiration is important, doing so for the little teaching moments we experience is also important becasue the power comes in the private insights, subtle awarenesses, and smile-inducing reminders we have in the moment…but which are quickly lost in the busyness and fullness of everyday life.

And it’s these fleeting insights and awarenesses that offer others some of the most powerful lessons. They offer powerful lessons because they help people notice life and notice their response to life within the everyday experiences they are likely to have. So these lessons can be linked to their lives, and not simply linked vicariously to our unique experience of climbing K2 or hang-gliding.

So…I share this with you to encourage you to jot down the little experiences you have and the “Ah has!” you have, and then put them in a document that you can search, so you can recall and tell them later when you’re searching for a story that makes a certain point.

As I’ve written elsewhere, I just use a simple two column table to record my stories, with key words and phrases in the left column and story details in the right.

Now…for Elizabeth Gilbert’s story. Notice how the story and the imagery make the idea “Write it down immediately” so much more interesting, compelling, and memorable.

To Sign Up for the August Webinar “How to Wrap Your Message in Bacon” on how to use storytelling to deliver difficult messages in a palatable way and more.

Aug 18, 2012 | 0 comments View Post

Wrap Your Message in Bacon: Discover How In August Webinar

How to Use Storytelling to Deliver a Potentially Hard-To-Swallow Message in an Easy-To-Digest Way

: Vinnie the Shelter Dog…Now In A Happy Home

If you know anything about dogs and medicine, you know that one way to make unpleasant tasting medicine more palatable to your dog is to wrap it in bacon.

Storytelling allows you to do the same with people.

Stories allow you to communicate a message that, if delivered “straight”, would trigger defensiveness or resistance (e.g. “Oh…there’s no way I could do that”).

When you tell stories about yourself or other people, you are not directly confronting a person’s beliefs, perspectives, or behaviors. You’re talking about the people in the story.

Therefore, there’s nothing for them to defend against.

Because you’re “just telling a story,” they can listen with an open mind, and take in your message without the rationalizations and other intellectual defenses they might use if you confronted them directly about the issue.

When I was a therapist years ago, I practiced Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, which relies heavily on therapeutic storytelling. I remember Dr. Erickson’s approach being described as “a therapy of politeness” because of its indirectness and non-confrontational approach. Rather than challenge people directly like other therapists did–and triggering defensiveness as other therapist would–Dr. Erickson would often tell patients story after story that would help them, in a charming and captivating way, look at their situation in a new way.

It’s sort of like if you’ve been dealing with some challenge and you happen to hear someone share about how they dealt with a similar situation.

First…you’re all ears because what they’re talking about has relevance to you.

Second…you listen with an open mind, because no one’s trying to change your mind or make you wrong. There’s no need to say or think “You don’t understand” or “Who are you to say that to me!”

You’re just listening to that person tell their story. So you can take in their message.

That’s what I mean by storytelling can help you wrap YOUR message in bacon, so the person welcomes it…rather than spits it out…metaphorically speaking.

How do you do that?

I’ll show and tell you how in the free webinar I’ll be giving on August 28th.

If you can’t make it, no worries. I’ll have it recorded.

In the meantime, here are two quick and easy tips to get you started.

1. Think about a common limiting perspective or belief people you coach or counsel frequently have. For instance, let’s take the limiting belief: “If you admit you don’t know–especially to people who you supervise–it makes you look dumb, so you need to always talk and act like you have the answer” or “Other people can do X…but I can’t.”

2. Think about experiences where you or someone else:

Had the same perspective or belief and discovered it was false.
Had the same perspective or belief in a different context than the person you’re coaching is applying it, and discovered it wasn’t true.
Had some other limiting perspective or belief that you (or the person in the story) felt was self-evident, and then had an experience where…surprise…it’s not accurate!

Now…here’s the scoop on the webinar:

Brand New Webinar Builds on the One You Attended Previously

First…If you attended the “Add Powerful Storytelling Techniques to Your Training” but never received my follow-up emails with the resources you requested, go first to the main page of this site www.StoriesThatChange.com and you will find them there. Also, check out some of the other posts, because you’ll find videos and more scoop that you should find useful.

Second…if you’re thinking “Well, no I didn’t attend any previous webinar”…no worries. After you sign up for this one, you’ll be transfered to a page that has information on how to watch that one.

Storytelling- Part II

August 28th, 2PM-3PM EST

Two Areas Where Storytelling Shines Most Brightly–i.e. Adds HUGE Power to Your Ability to Catalyze Change

How to challenge someone’s limiting beliefs, perspectives, or attitude w/o triggering defensiveness or resistance.
How to shift someone from a disempowered “There’s no way I can do that!” state to an empowered “I CAN do this!” state where they are willing to try.

These two areas are among the most powerful applications of storytelling and why you would use storytelling. Here are some common situations you would want to have these abilities:

1. Someone is not open to a new way of looking at their problem and any attempt to get them to do so only triggers “You don’t understand” or other defensive or dismissive responses.

2. Someone just “knows” they’re right and your job is to help them see that…well, no…they aren’t right. But you know if you try to challenge them directly, they will only hunker down and clench onto their “rightness” even more tightly.

3. You have a pretty hard message to communicate to someone and you know that anyone who heard this “no holds barred” message would get defensive or maybe even offended. But…you need to get them to think about this. Here’s another place where telling a story can deliver the message “wrapped in bacon’ (like you do when you give dogs medicine that tastes bad).

4. You’re coaching someone about how to do something that is anxiety-producing for them–such as confront someone, speak at an event, or take more of a leadership position–and they don’t believe they can. Not only do they believe they can’t…they are stuck in an “unresourceful” emotional state. While in this afraid or hopeless state, there’s no way they’ll be able to generate useful solutions about how to best deal with their challenge. Thus, before you can even engage them in exploring options, you must help them shift from a “Can’t do” to a “Can do” emotional and mental state. This is another area where storytelling shines.

To register for this webinar, go to:

https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/404447642

As with other webinars, if you can’t make it live, you can access the recording.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at: david@humannatureatwork.com or better still…post them below.

Aug 10, 2012 | 0 comments View Post

This tough time is just a chapter…not the whole story

Hey…I just posted on my WhateverLifeBrings.com blog about looking at tough times with a different perspective. It came out of my recent experiences volunteering at an animal shelter, walking and running the dogs, and feeling sad for the dogs who looked so lost and bereft, but then coming back the following week and seeing they had been adopted.

It’s an example of having a simple everyday life experience and using it as an analogy or a metaphor for a bigger truth about life.

If you want to read it, both for the content and to see another example of thinking in terms of analogies and metaphors–i.e. “Hmmm…what is this experience like?” go to This Tough Time is Just a Chapter…It’s Not the Whole Story

Also…if you want information on the upcoming August webinar (will be recorded) about how to “Wrap Your Message in Bacon“, check that out.

Aug 10, 2012 | 0 comments View Post

Your Origin Story

Hey…quick post here. An important story for you to tell is who you are and why you do what you do.

This is especially important if you are a solo practitioner-coach, solopreneur, writer, healer, etc.

Many of the most effective marketers, such as Dan Kennedy, repeatedly remind entrepreneurs that “people don’t buy products, they buy stories”. Even if you’re not self-employed and you’re thinking “I’m not selling anything” remember, for people to buy your ideas, they need to buy you.

The more people know, like, and trust you, the more influence you have…and the more effective you can be in making a difference.

I recommend that you mosey on over to the About David Lee section and read it and see what you notice about my Origin Story.

Post observations and questions below.

Aug 09, 2012 | 0 comments View Post

How to Use Analogies to Make Your Point “Stickier”

Made to Stick authors Chip and Dan Heath talk about the power of analogies for making your ideas stickier. I have found that being able to communicate your ideas using analogies is extremely helpful because they:

1. Make abstract ideas more concrete…and therefore more tangible. You’ll see an example of this in the video below.

2. Help your ideas hit home at a more visceral, emotional level…rather than just intellectually. Again, hopefully you’ll find that true in the video.

3. Help people understand new ideas–especially ideas from a field they have no experience in–more understandable…especially when you use analogies from their world of experience.
In this video, you’ll see two different analogies used to explain the difference it makes knowing human nature.

Aug 09, 2012 | 0 comments View Post

Use “I didn’t think I could…but I did!” stories to shift people from “I can’t” to “I can”

When You Need to Help Someone Shift Into an Empowered “Can Do” State

Ever work with someone who is stuck in the “There’s no way I can…” mode?

Or…they feel so helpless and hopeless, they can’t see any options or opportunities?

Or, maybe you’ve had the experience of working with a group, trying to teach them how to handle a challenging situation–such as having difficult conversations or picking up the phone and calling prospects–and when you look out at the group, you can see they totally don’t believe they’re going to be able to learn the skill?

Well then…

…bring on the “I didn’t think I could…but I did!” story

…and let the empowerment begin :-).

Shifting people’s emotional state and perspective are one of the many ways stories add tremendous power to your change catalyst repertoire.

Here’s an 8 minute clip that demonstrates and explains how to use this type of story to:

Shift the listener (or group of listeners) from an “I can’t” mindset to an “I can.”
Shift the energy of the listener–or group–from one that is flat or disempowered and helpless to one that is energized and empowered

To learn more about using storytelling to shift people from “I can’t…” to “I can…” and, how to “wrap your message in bacon” using stories, go to this post and find out about the upcoming webinar on August 28th.

Also…please post questions and comments below.

Aug 08, 2012 | 0 comments View Post