Archive for March, 2013

Why you can’t just use abstract terms; why you need to say “What I mean by that is…”

Thanks to Mike Linardi’s ezine, I discovered the Corner Office column in the NY Times, where Adam Bryant reports on conversations he’s had with CEOs about key issues. One that caught my attention was an interview with Robert W. Selander, the CEO of Mastercard on the importance of presence.

Presence is such a key factor in our ability to communicate, because it profoundly affects whether we are our message or whether who we are conflicts with what we say.

Because of this, I was excited to read what Robert W. Selander had to say about this important quality.

However, as I read what he said about presence, I found myself at first confused and then with a useful “Ah hah!”.

Here’s what he said about presence:

Can you elaborate more on what you mean by presence?

A. At varying levels in the company, you interact with different stakeholders. Having somebody spend time with a member of Congress is very different than having somebody go downstairs and see that they were appropriately replacing a torn carpet. You need a different capability to deal with those circumstances, not only from a knowledge standpoint but from a presence standpoint.

As I’ve gone through my career, I’ve been challenged to deal with different stakeholders. Internally, when I was younger and more junior, I probably did pretty well with peers. But then how do you credibly communicate with more senior people, who are not as concerned about some things perhaps in the details, but they want a bigger picture?

So it’s a combination of not only how you convey things, but what you convey to these various stakeholders. Presence is learning to deal with different audiences in a way that allows them to get what they need out of this interaction and ensures that the well-being of the company is looked after.

Q.Isn’t that what some people describe as just good communication skills?

A. I think you can be a good communicator and you still may not have presence. There may be someone who is very articulate on a subject and they know levels of detail. When you get with a particular audience, it may not be appropriate to go into those levels of detail, or you may create doubt by even going into the subject matter. There’s inside information in a company, for example. You never cross that bright line, but you can get varying degrees of proximity to that line, depending on your audience.

Some people are not very good communicators, but boy, when you get them into their subject matter they know exactly where to go and how far to go. Others are brilliant communicators, but because of the connection between their thoughts and the synapses firing and the words coming out, there isn’t enough time and introspection. Therefore they will brilliantly communicate something that they shouldn’t be talking about. Presence is knowing what to communicate, and how.

Now, when you read what he describes as “presence”, did that match your definition of presence?

It sure didn’t match mine.

I found myself thinking “the interviewer is right…what he’s talking about is communication skills…about being adaptable and speaking in ways that work with your audience”.

What he described as “presence” is very different from what I think of when I think of presence.

Why should you care about this?

Understanding what other people’s Complex Equivalents for abstract terms like “presence”, “leadership” or “authenticity” or “great customer service” is important if you want to truly understand what they’re saying.

Explaining your Complex Equivalents by illustrating examples is important if you want your audience to truly understand what you are saying.

What’s a Complex Equivalent?

What’s a Complex Equivalent you ask?

Here’s a definition of Complex Equivalent from NLP Akadamesi.com

“The individual’s cognitive map or sensory representation of a particular word, label or expression; the meaning they assign to an abstract form of words. A different experience or action that has the same meaning for an individual as the experience they are considering. Misunderstanding occurs when two individuals each assign meaning to an abstract word or phrase and then act as if they were using a shared, defined meaning.”

So, while two people might use the term “respect” and say they show people respect, their Complex Equivalents could be very different.

So for instance, one person could challenge people aggressively, point out people’s flaws in front of others, and shoot down ideas using harsh judgments, all the time seeing themselves as respectful. For another, “respect” might equal not disagreeing with people in public, not pointing out people’s mistakes or shortcomings, etc.

So what?

1. We must never assume we know what someone means, just because they use the same term as we do. When coaching and consulting, you want to explore what people mean when they use important terms. Ask them for examples.

2. We need to explain our Complex Equivalents if we want people to understand what we’re saying at a concrete, visceral level.

So how can you use this knowledge?

1. For important terms you often use in your presentations or coaching, come up with specific examples that illustrate and explain those terms.

2. When using abstract terms, follow up with “So for instance…” and “What I mean by that is….” or “An example of that would be…” – This makes it MUCH easier for the human brain to comprehend and make neural connections. Remember, the more abstract a concept, the farther it is from reality, and therefore the harder it is for the brain to process (and therefore the more quickly someone will give up trying to understand).

Conversely, the more concrete and sensory rich communication is, the more it impacts at an emotional, visceral level, and the more easily understood it is. Also the more abstract a term is, the more likely someone will fill in the blanks with their own Complex Equivalents. This can often result in them completely missing your point, while thinking they get it.

By the way, here’s an example of “for instance…”

Remember what you read a moment ago:

Remember, the more abstract a concept, the farther it is from reality, and therefore the harder it is for the brain to process (and therefore the more quickly someone will give up trying to understand). Conversely, the more concrete and sensory rich communication is, the more it impacts at an emotional, visceral level, and the more easily understood it is.

Well that’s pretty darn abstract, is it not?

Well, let’s make it more concrete and therefore more understandable…

“So for instance, think of the difference between having someone hug you and having someone include in their email ‘Bug Hug.” One is more concrete and sensory rich than the other, and has a much bigger impact. Compare the level of abstractness between the smiley face emoticon 🙂 , reading “She laughed uproariously”, hearing an audio recording of someone laughing, or actually being in the presence of someone laughing. Notice how as you slide along the continuum of abstract to concrete and sensory rich, the experience and impact increases.

This is one of the reasons why stories shine as communication devices. They make ideas come alive because they turn ideas into experiences, because they are sensory rich and visceral.

So…remember to ask about other people’s Complex Equivalents and give examples of yours.

Mar 30, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Add Credibility and Up Your Fascination Factor with Cool Scientific Research

In an earlier blog post about Sally Hogshead’s book Fascinate, we explored the importance of making your ideas fascinating.

One of the best ways to amp up the fascination factor of your presentations–and add credibility– is to include fascinating scientific research.

Doing so makes your key points far “stickier”, to use Made to Stick author’s Chip and Dan Heath’s term.

I’m a big fan of using scientific research for personal reasons because I just find it immensely fascinating. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that experts in a particular scientific field are so focused on their specialty, they often don’t know about research from disparate fields, nor do they try to translate their ideas into practical applications.

One of the things I love to do is connect the dots from research from disparate disciplines and translate the take away message to practical strategies leaders can use in the workplace and people can use in their personal lives.

I am also a big fan of sharing scientific research in my talks because love it.

Over the years, when people have told me they really like my presentations, two of the four most common comments are:

1. They love the use of stories

2. They love it that I use scientific research. They often say they love the research because it makes what I say more credible…especially to the more skeptical members of their team who think anything but spreadsheets and the hard sciences is “soft.” They also just find the research (when told well) just plain fascinating.

Here is an excerpt from my audio program Storytelling for Leaders that illustrates two examples of some of my favorite research, me telling the story behind it, and then exploring the implications.

One of the areas of research you’ll hear is the fascinating line of inquiry called the Ultimatum Game. The Ultimatum Game is from the world of neuroeconomics. The findings from this research has huge implications for leaders. More specifically, it reveals our hard-wired desire for fairness and how irrational people are about unfairness. In the audio clip, you’ll hear me talk about the leadership implications.

The second area of study is some really fascinating research involving audio recordings of physicians being used to predict who gets sued and who doesn’t. After sharing the story behind the research, I talk about the implications of this research on managers and leaders, and how you cannot afford to be careless with your use of power.

I first read about this research in Malcom Gladwell’s book Blink. You can find a link at his site for the PDF of the article by Nalini Ambady et al., “Surgeons’ Tone of Voice: A Clue to Malpractice History.” detailing her research.

Hopefully you will notice how both scientific story research makes the points both more intriguing and more powerful.

Just a heads up…I will be doing a free webinar titled “Fascinating Inspiring U”. To make sure you get notified about it, sign up for future announcements in the box below my picture.

Examples of Books that Contain Fascinating Scientific Research and the Stories Behind It

Blink by Malcom Gladwell

Switch by Chip and Dan Heath

Influencers by Kerry Patterson et al

Predictably Irrational by Daniel Ariely

Internet Sources of Fascinating Research

ScienceDaily.com

Alltop.com

Alltop.com’s neuroscience section

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Mar 28, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

An amazing Origin Story: Vivienne, Audrey and Make a Stand Lemon-aid

Get ready for a great example of an Origin Story.

This is one of the most important stories to have in your storytelling quiver, especially if you are a solopreneur with a big message. It’s also important for leaders of organizations to have both their personal Origin Story and an organizational Origin Story (like Ari Weinzweig of Zingerman’s does).

This story is also a great example of a story that can be used to challenge someone’s self-limiting belief about being “too small” to make a difference in this big, complex world.

So, here’s what happened…

While walking around the exhibitor area of the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco recently, I stumbled upon a sight I had never encountered at a conference: a brightly colored lemonade stand.

My gaze also encountered another unfamiliar exhibition hall sight: a princess in a princess gown.

The princess’s name, I discovered, was Vivienne Harr. With her was Tony Daniel, a big magnetically cheerful guy. I soon learned that Tony was the dad of Vivienne’s co-founder, Audrey Daniel.

I asked him about the story of Make a Stand Lemon-aid.

I was so taken by what he shared, I asked him and Vivienne if I could do a recording of them telling their story.

After you watch the video, I’ll share with you some thoughts about how to use what you saw, heard, and experienced.

Here are a few storytelling lessons and applications:

This is a great example of a brief version of an Origin Story.

Notice how Tony was able to capture the origin of Make a Stand Lemonade and the purpose behind it, in about a minute. Whether you present at an event or talk with someone at your vendor booth, you infuse your message with more meaning—and you make it more fascinating—when you describe briefly the story behind why your business exists, the story behind why you do what you do. You also make it easier for people to bond to you when they know your story.

Telling your story begins the Know, Like, Trust process critical to selling your products, services, and ideas.

So…to put this into practice, start working on your Origin Story. For another example of an Origin Story, you can read mine.

This is a great example of a story you can to use to challenge someone’s limiting perspectives, especially the perspective of “I’m too small” or “I’m just a ‘little person’…I can’t make a difference in this big, complex world.”

The Make a Stand Lemon-aid story is a great example of what I call a Perspective Shift story, which is one of the most powerful story genres you can use when coaching or mentoring someone.

With Perspective Shift stories, rather than simply challenging someone’s limiting belief or perspective—which only triggers resistance and defensiveness—you can instead tell them a story that offers a different perspective. I especially like Vivienne and the Make a Stand folk’s story because it is both sweet and charming and…incredibly inspiring.

Think about it, how can you convince yourself you can’t make a difference in the world as an adult, when you hear how two adorable little girls have already made a difference and they’re not even teenagers.

It kind of takes away our excuses.

So how can you apply this in your work? Start noticing and collecting stories of “average” people making a difference, “regular” people doing big things.

Then, when you’re working with someone who believes they are too “small” (or old, or not well educated enough, etc) to make a difference, share with them one or more of these stories.

Doing so can help shift their emotional state and perspective from “I can’t” to “I can.”

If you work inside an organization and your work involves cultivating employee engagement, notice the question I asked Vivienne.

Even though Vivienne’s story is not an example of a story you would use to foster employee engagement, the question I asked her should be included in the stories you use to show employees how the work they do makes a difference.

You want to ask the story teller “How did that make you feel?” along with “What did that mean to you?” for key Moments of Truth in the experience they’re telling you about. Doing this guides the speaker to share at a more personal, intimate level. This helps the listener bond with the speaker.

It helps them form an empathetic connection with the speaker, because they are hearing about the speaker’s inner world. Although Vivienne’s story is not an example of a customer story, asking the question I asked her, along with “What did that mean to you?” question, makes customer stories more meaningful to employees. Haring how customers felt when an employee did X or because the company did Y, and hearing what it meant to the customer, helps employees understand the impact of their work at a deeper, more emotional, more visceral level. Hearing about the impact their work makes helps infuse employees’ work with greater meaning and purpose, which is a fundamental driver of employee motivation.

Research by Dr. Adam Grant, of Wharton Business School has shown that when employees are directly exposed to customer stories about the difference their work makes, it translates into major increases in productivity. In fact, in one research study, exposing employees to a five minute customer story resulted in a 400% increase in revenues generated.

So…if you don’t have one, get crackin’ on that Origin Story.

You can learn more about the Make a Stand story and the good they doing at their site.

Here’s their video:

Make a Stand Lemon-aid: “Hope in a Bottle” from Vivienne Harr on Vimeo.

Mar 24, 2013 | 2 comments View Post

Do you know how to fascinate?: Lessons from Sally Hogshead

Are you fascinating?

That might seem like a “no win” question, because if you answer “yes” you might feel like you’re being narcissistic and if you say “no” well….that’s kind of depressing…

But…you are probably way more fascinating than you think you are.

You’ve had experiences, you’ve done things, and you probably have hobbies that other people would think “Wow…that’s cool. You did/do that!”

I’ve seen this when I’ve done the team-building exercise where people write down on an index card something they bet others don’t know about them and something they did that was very cool and interesting.

You would be surprised at the amazing things seemingly “average” people have done or do.

When I participate, I share how I hitchkiked cross-country when I was in my 20s and also that I surf (including in the winter, before I came to my senses).

Anyway…I decided to write about this because this past week I was re-listening to a program by Dan Kennedy where he was emphasizing the importance of storytelling in marketing and how you need to mine your past for fascinating stories that set you apart and make people want to hear from you.

If you want people to care about what YOU have to say…rather than let you slip into the background along with the cacophony of marketing messages, advice-giving gurus, sales messages, vendors knocking at their doors, etc…you need to tap into what about you is fascinating.

These experiences and interests can also be a MAJOR source of fascinating stories you can use to make your presentations come alive.

So for instance, I can use a story about customer service that happened in Maine, where I currently live, or I can tell a story from an experience I had with a tram conductor in Melbourne, Australia.

Which context do you think audiences find more fascinating?

Sometimes when I talk about shifting your perspective as a stress management technique, I share the story of how, when I was backpacking in Glacier National Park–part of my cross country hitchhiking adventure–I used my favorite stress management technique, Instant Perspective–to get a good night’s sleep where moments before I was scared out of my mind.

I was scared because I was camping in a place where, the night before, a man was chased by a Grizzly Bear. I was alone in this back country camping spot and there was no place to hide. But by using Instant Perspective, I was able to switch off the fear and sleep like a baby.

Now…using that context to teach the story is more fascinating than some vanilla context, isn’t it?

If you would like some background on what Sally Hogshead calls fascination triggers, check out her book Fascinate or watch this brief video.

In a future post, I’ll share with you an example from someone I find incredibly fascinating and why that’s so.

BTW…Just a heads up…I will be doing a free webinar titled “Fascinating Inspiring U”. To make sure you get notified about it, sign up for future announcements in the box below my picture.

How to Use This

Make a list of things you’ve done that you think are kind of cool.–They were fun, fascinating, mind-expanding, took you out of your comfort zone, or were even someone risky.
Think of what you learned from those experiences–Then use these stories as teaching stories.
Include more of what you love to do in your personal life in your writing and speaking–So for me, these would include surfing, extreme fitness, my experiences volunteering at an animal shelter, and cool scientific research that has HUGE implications for human performance and happiness).
Notice what fascinates you about others, and learn from that–Notice both what it is about them that fascinates you and how they tell stories that fascinate you. See how you can apply that in your communication.

Mar 18, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Turn your Elevator Pitch into a “Here’s the difference my work makes” story: Letitia Fox of Canine Colors

I met Letitia Fox, author of Canine Colors http://www.caninecolors.com/ at the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco. If you’re not aware of True Colors, it’s an extremely useful and fun way of understanding different personality styles and how to best connect and communicate with them.

Letitia has taken this model into the canine world as a tool for dog owners and people who work with dogs. Canine Colors helps people understand each dog’s personality and how to best interact and work with them.

In short, it’s a way to help dog owners become more of a “Dog Whisperer”.

I asked Letitia to tell me about her work, which she does in the first part of the video.

I then asked her to tell me a story about the difference Canine Colors has made to a client. She responded by telling me the story in the second part of the video.

Notice the difference in the two presentations.

In the first presentation, you see that Letitia has a dynamic and engaging personality, and is clearly passionate about what she has to offer. Notice it covers the WII-FM—the “What’s in it for me”—right in the beginning, which is very important, and then goes into describing her service delivery model, or the “ how”.

While her enthusiasm is infectious, that presentation alone is not enough. You’re left with a conceptual understanding—a 30,000 foot view—of the value her book and her service provides, but not a more real life, “Oh…I get it” sense of the difference it can make.

This is very common among business people when they give their “elevator pitch”.

In the second presentation, where she tells the story, notice how your level of engagement shifts. Notice how it’s easier to grasp the benefit of her book and her service. If you don’t have a dog that perplexes you, imagine your response to the story if you WERE a dog owner who loved their dog, but often felt frustrated by the dog’s behavior…and felt guilty about some of the bad feelings you had about your dog because of your frustration. Wouldn’t that story make you want to learn more?

Now… if I were coaching her on how to improve the story, I would make a few recommendations. Keep in mind that she told this story “off the cuff” and despite that did a great job. In contrast, I have the ability to review the tape and deconstruct her story. This is one of the benefits of recording and analyzing your story. I also have 25 years of experience using and teaching storytelling.

So…here are some of the recommendations I would make:

Name the breed of dog. This makes it easier for the listener to create an image in their mind, which makes it easier for them to relate to the story and remember it, because they can simply “replay the movie.” When telling your stories, you want to include enough sensory detail to help the listener create mental pictures of what you’re talking about.
Describe the frustrating behaviors the dog was engaging in. Just as with naming the breed of the dog, describing the behaviors makes it easier for the listener to create a picture in their mind of what the problematic behaviors were. Not only does this make it easier for them to “play the movie” it also helps spark the listener’s interest. It helps them recognize “Hey…that’s me she’s talking about”…which is the response you want all of your ideal clients to have when you tell your stories. Describing the behaviors also connect the listener with their own pain around the issue, which would make them even more interested in the solution.
Describe the lady’s problematic behaviors. Doing this not only achieves the above points already made, it also helps the listener become aware of potentially problematic behaviors they are engaging in, and don’t even realize. This helps increase their motivation to learn more.
Add a few more descriptions of what the lady did differently after learning about Canine Colors. Notice she did describe a few of the fun activities they did more of—running and hiking. That was great. If there were other behaviors she did that were less controlling and more fun, I would mention those.
Describe how the relationship has changed. Notice I prompted Letitia to talk about this. I did that because, in what I call the Pain and Promise Story, you want to also describe the “After Picture” of what it’s like after someone benefits from your product or service. It’s sort of like those After Pictures in infomercials where you see the thin guy holding out the waist of his old pants in which you could now fit two or three of him in. (BTW…notice the use of an analogy to explain the “After Picture”).
If I were coaching Letitia, I would ask her to describe how the relationship was enhanced. I would ask her to describe what’s different externally as well as internally.So for instance, an external difference might be “Now… her Golden no longer acts all wired. So for instance…rather than leaping out of reach each time the lady tries to get her to sit, or obey some other command, she follows her commands. She does it because the lady now doesn’t practice commands until AFTER they go for a really brisk walk and short game of fetch.”BTW…notice I said “for instance”. This is an effective way of taking a concept—in this case “no longer acts all wired”–and translates it into a concrete example, so the person doesn’t have to guess what you mean.

Remember I mentioned that I would coach Letitia to talk about what has changed internally with the woman. What I mean by that is how she now feels in situations that had previously frustrated her. Because we are motivated to act by our feelings, you want your story to communicate how your product or service results in different feelings…feelings the person WANTS to have. So for instance, Letitia might say “Now…instead of feeling frustrated with her Golden a lot of the time…and feeling guilty about that…she now feels pure love and complete enjoyment of their time together.”

So those are some of the ways Letitia could take a good story and make it even more compelling.

As you work on your “Here’s how I help people” story, you can use these principles to make your story more fascinating and compelling.

The other key take away message is to CATCH stories. Before you can work on and tweak your stories, you need to collect them.

So…I recommend you make a list of 3-5 of your favorite examples of the difference your book, product, or service has made to your customers, and then tell some people the story of the difference it made in those customer’s lives, and ask them for feedback on how clear and compelling each story was.

Use their feedback to refine or discard each story.

You can also submit your story (if it’s short) for review and if I think it’s a good story to use as a teaching example, I will critique it.

Mar 16, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Ira Glass on Storytelling

I am working on my handouts for the storytelling program I’m doing at ASTD’s national conference in May and in the Suggested Resources section, I just included Ira Glass’s video series on storytelling, and thought “Why haven’t you shared this with your StoriesThatChange.com folks yet?

So, here it is!

In case you don’t know Ira Glass, he’s the creative force behind This American Life, which every week gives great examples of how to tell stories well. Besides the content itself being interesting, I recommend listening to TAL as a “learn by listening” resource that will help you hone your storytelling skills.

Here’s his four part series:

Mar 09, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

The difference making a presentation story-centric makes: Susan Mayginnes tells her story

Hopefully you’ve noticed that when I share a story on this blog, I share it both because the content of the story is useful or inspiring and…how it demonstrates the use of storytelling as a powerful communication vehicle.

This post comes to you courtesy of Susan Mayginnes of Commit to Greatness who I recently met at the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco. I was hosting a round table on storytelling and really enjoyed what Susan was sharing with the group and asked her if she would share a story with my audience. This short video describes her experience with taking a presentation she was preparing and switch it from “traditional Powerpoint bulleted list centric” to “story centric.”

Besides noticing the difference it made, what I really would like you to notice is how the simple act of wrapping her take away message–“telling stories is far more effective”–in a story makes the message more interesting.

Susan could simply state this message without a story and you would probably think “I know. I know…storytelling is a good thing…tell me something I don’t know.”

However, by presenting that message through a story, the message feels more fresh, interesting, and important.

Also, because Susan shares her own growth process in learning to use stories, she makes herself easier to bond to than if she came across as an all-knowing expert.

Rather than her coming across as an expert who knows the right way and is showing you the way, she shares her story as a fellow learner who wants the same thing as you…to make your presentations more interesting and for your audience to respond positively.

By sharing her “before and after pictures”, she also gives you a sneak preview of what you can have if you use storytelling.

This type of story is what I call a Promise Story. It communicates the benefit, the good things that the listener will get, by listening to and applying what you have to say.

Promise Stories are especially useful in the beginning of a presentation. They draw the audience in because the story speaks to what the audience desires and communicates that if they listen to you, they will learn how to get what they desire.

OK…before you watch the video, be ye forewarned that we shot it outside and you’ll hear some wind noise. Hopefully you will notice it for a moment and then focus on what Susan has to say…

So…how to apply this?

Think of key points you want to get across in your presentations and “wrap” them in a story.

Mar 04, 2013 | 0 comments View Post