Category: Stories for Coaches and Entrepreneurs

How you can En-Courage Others With Your Story: Jia Jiang and his 100 Days of Rejection

How might you offer hope and encouragement to others in a more active way…especially those who are going through challenging times right now?

Here’s an example of how, when we act courageously, we en-courage others.

The example comes from a remarkable person I heard about from John Brubaker (www.coachbru.com). John interviewed him on his radio show and shared with me Jia Jiang’s wild story about his 100 Days of Rejection project. After listening to his interview and watching some of his videos, I knew I wanted to interview him.

Here’s the origin of his 100 Days of Rejection project: After getting a very impersonal rejection email from a venture capitalist, Jia was stunned by how much the rejection stung.

Here’s an excerpt from my interview with Jia, where he describes his response and what he did next:

(The rejection) really hurt. It took me by surprise. Not because of the rejection itself, but how much I was hurt by that rejection. I’m a very well educated guy. I felt I was mentally prepared for this as well. But how did I get hurt so bad by a no even though I prepared for it?

I started searching to see if I want to be a great entrepreneur I cannot be hurt like this. If I keep going I’m going to be rejected more often than not, and so I can’t just be living this fear of rejection. I went online and looked for this thing. I found this thing called rejection therapy. That’s a game where you go out and look for rejection.

Last November I started my blog to just go out and start looking for rejection. I did that because I wanted to do this for 100 times and have the world keep me accountable. It really fits my personality to try something crazy like that. So the story went from there, but that’s how I got into this situation. It was rejection therapy.”

To get a sense of Jia’s personality and essence, here’s a video of my favorite Rejection Therapy: Rejection #36 “Trim my hair at PetSmart”

Jia Inquires About Getting a Haircut at PetSmart

Now, when you see the video, it’s easy just to think “Oh, this is nothing more than a fun, amusing, and charming stunt”. But when you learn more about the person behind the series, you realize its way more than that.
Underneath the quirky sense of humor is a deeply caring person who has a strong sense of mission and purpose to make the world a better place.

You’ll learn more about that when I share the whole interview at a later point.

But in the meantime, I’m sharing this excerpt with you to illustrate how our stories of overcoming adversity and fear can give others hope and courageous to face their fears.

In our interview, I asked Jia if he could share a story or two from people who have followed his adventure and how it has made a difference in their lives.

Here’s a story he shared:

A person wrote me an email. He said he has always been afraid of rejection, so much so that he’s afraid to ask for ketchup in the restaurant so he sent his kids to ask for ketchup.

Of course that’s one extreme case, but it just got real because his wife was diagnosed with cancer last year. In the American medical society, for good or for bad one thing for sure is you have to actually push the doctors and nurses, the hospitals, to get things done sometimes. You can’t just wait and everything comes to you. It doesn’t work that way.

He saw what I’m doing with rejection therapy. He’s very inspired. He told me, “Hey, because of what you are doing now, I’m saying you can do this for therapeutic reasons. I’m trying to save my wife’s life here, so I’ve got to just go ask. If you can ask I can ask.” He started asking for things and he thanked me for helping me with that. This one example is very dear to my heart just because the nature of it. It really helps people in a very real sense.

It’s really those kinds of emails that got me, again, doing these rejections. A hundred of them is a lot. It takes you awhile to count, and doing each one takes preparation and videotaping. Then editing, producing, put it online and telling people about it and then writing a blog. So a lot of things went into every rejection.

But it’s because of these emails I’m getting, the support I’m getting, that keeps me going because I know I’m doing something important. I know I’m doing something that helps people. That makes a real difference in life.

Even say if I know that from beginning to end I’m doing this for 100 days and I spend a lot of time doing this, I can help a husband. A life might be changed. A life might be saved. Is it worth it? Absolutely it’s worth it. Then you can multiply that effect by thousands. I’ve got thousands of emails with people with stories. Maybe not to this extreme, but everyone has rejection issues and many of them thank me for doing this. So with that type of influence and impact I feel it’s totally worth it.

Think of the difference Jia’s willingness to share his stories of facing his fears has made in that man’s life.

Think of the power sharing our stories of facing our fears encourages others.

By the way, the word “courage” has its roots in the old French word for “heart” (“couer”). So when you en-cour-age someone you give them heart, you help them connect with their heart and their true capacity for courage.

Are there people in YOUR life right now who might be in need of encouragement?

How might you en-courage them?

What stories of how you faced and overcame your fears might you share with those who need it right now?

Jia Jiang’s TEDTalk

For More of Jia’s writing, check out his website Entre.sting.

For his fun video series on Youtube

Jun 24, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

“You help us make miracles happen”: using a customer video story to connect

Here’s a great example from a wonderful organization about how you can use customer stories to make all of the following more interesting and memorable:

1. Employer Branding

2. Corporate Branding

3. New Employee Orientation

4. Volunteer Recruitment (if you’re a non-profit)

5. Donor solicitation (again…if you’re a non-profit)

At the end of this post, you’ll find more about the power of customer stories to give you a sense of why you want to be capturing and sharing them. But for now…let’s get to this story…

The story you are about to hear is designed to connect with:

1. The most desirable job applicants

2. Potential volunteers who have an endless number of non-profits to choose from.

3. Potential donors who want to feel like their donations are serving a great cause and making a big difference.

The Back Story…

I first met Patsy Murphy, the Executive Director from the Animal Refuge League of Greater Portland as part of my work on how businesses can capture client stories on video and use them in their marketing efforts.

I was so taken by her and what she’s done with the Animal Refuge League of Greater Portland, and with their wonderful stories, that I ended up doing a series of interviews with her and her staff. (in a previous post “For Better Employee Testimonial Videos, Don’t Spout Platitudes, Tell Stories”, you can see another video I shot for them).

A Somewhat Different Kind of Customer Story Video

This video is a somewhat different twist to the “Customer Story” video genre in that:

1. The Customer is not telling the story, instead someone from the business/organization tells the story

2. The Customer is a dog–actually two dogs (well, actually the Customer is also their new parents)

Customer Stories That Speak to What Employees Want in a Work Experience

As you watch this video and take in the charming story, notice the psychology behind it. More specifically, notice what human needs it taps into. Notice how it addresses what today’s employees want in an employer and work experience. Notice especially how it speaks to the caring, idealistic individual who would be drawn to non-profit work.

These core human needs include:

1. The need to know you can make a difference

2. The need to know you are doing good in the world

3. Feeling like you’re part of something greater than yourself

4. Being part of a group that makes you feel good about yourself

5. Getting to work with people you enjoy seeing everyday

6. Working in an organization where fun is on the menu

Using a Story to Subtly Overcome Potential Objections

Also, you will notice that the story subtly addresses a potential obstacle to a tenderhearted person–the kind ARLGP wants to hire–from applying. Notice how it challenges the perception that working at a shelter might be a “downer” because the story involves what people might imagine would be impossible-to-place animals.

Also notice that the theme of the video isn’t “Aren’t we awesome”…it’s “Because of you, we can do wonderful things”.

It’s Not “All About Me”

This is actually a nuance I learned from Ritz Carlton years ago, when I saw Diana Oreck, their VP of Leadership Development, present at the first ever onboarding conference (I wrote about this in ” Onboarding That Welcomes and Inspires”).

I was impressed by the video Ritz Carlton had created for their new hire orientation because it combined the message “When you join the Ritz Carlton, you have joined the top 1% of people in the hospitality industry” with “We are so thrilled to have you join us”. They very artfully framed this new employer-employee relationship in a way that communicates “We’re both lucky” vs. a one-sided “We rock…you’re lucky to be working here” or “We’re so very thankful you chose to work here…”–neither of which sends a desirable message on its own.

While the story in this video communicates that ARLGP does great things, it is framed in a “You-centric” way, rather than in a “We-centric” manner.

So…while I know you will enjoy the video and the story (especially if you are an animal lover), let it be a catalyst for you to gather and tell your own customer stories.

In Conclusion: About The Power of Customer Stories

In an article I wrote called The Power of Customer Stories and Testimonials to Engage Employees , I cited the fascinating research conducted by Dr. Adam Grant, management professor at Wharton, (and author of the new book Give and Take). His research reveals the power of customer stories on employee engagement. Here’s an example of what his research found:

Dr. Grant and his team have conducted multiple studies involving university fundraisers who call alumni seeking contributions for university scholarship funds. In one study, a scholarship recipient visited a group of fundraisers and shared their story about the difference the scholarship made in their ability to attend the university and in their lives. In the control group, no such story was shared.

A month later, the performance of both groups was measured. The control group showed no increase, not surprisingly. The callers who had listened to the story about how their difficult work made a difference in the world, averaged twice as many calls per hour. Not only did they work twice as hard, they also produced exponentially better results.

Their average weekly revenue increased from $411.74 to $2,083.52 — an increase of over 400 percent.

That gives you an idea of the power of customer stories for just ONE of their uses.

So…go out and collect and share those customer stories!

Jun 23, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Attention Businesses: “Don’t promise us a story and not deliver”

Thanks to Gregg Morris’s storytelling scoop.it page, I came across a fun, and provocative article by Daniel McInerny, aka The Comic Muse:

It’s not only a cautionary tale for the marketing department in businesses to get clear on what is a story and what isn’t.

It’s also relevant to an issue on my mind for the last few years:

Employers who THINK they are engaging in Employer Branding when they post videos of employees saying nice things about them.

There’s a problem with this:

These “Employer Branding” videos are essentially meaningless…

They are essentially meaningless, because what they say is basically no different from what all the other employee video testimonials are saying–e.g. “It’s a fun place to work” “We get to do great work”, “We have great values that we live by.”

Etc, etc. etc.

If you want to truly want to communicate what makes you different, have your employees tell stories.

(Here’s an earlier post on using Employee Stories in Employer Branding.)

OK…enough of my rant, let’s listen to Daniel tell his story and think of how you can apply it to your business, whether marketing your product or service or…as an employer…marketing your Employer Brand.

Here’s Daniel’s story:

“Every great coffee has a story.”

That’s what caught my attention this morning from the back of the Caribou Coffee bag.

So okay. You got me. Tell me a story.

“After summiting a mountain in Alaska, our founders realized life is too big to dream small. So they started a company that would go to any length to create a rich coffee experience that…”

Blah blah blah.

Not okay. You lost me.

You told me you wanted to tell me a story. You began by telling me about unnamed “founders” climbing a mountain in Alaska at the top of which they found a motivational thought. Which somehow inspired them to start a coffee company. The rest of the “story” is marketing bromides: “…That’s why we search the world, meet the growers, choose the finest beans from the best harvests, and roast them to perfection.”

Is there any major coffee company in the world that doesn’t say these things?

for the rest of the story and more of Daniel’s excellent work..

Jun 21, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Telling Your Story with Video: An Interview with Explanify’s Eric Hinson

David: In a recent interview titled How to Tell Your Company’s Story in Under 90 Seconds, you noted how agencies are missing the boat because they aren’t telling stories. I see the same thing with employers who think they are engaging in employer branding by saying things like “When you work here, you get to work with great people with high integrity, you get to grow professionally…” etc etc. and all sorts of Corporate Speak. The end result is one company’s message is interchangeable with another’s. How does storytelling help employers set themselves apart?

Eric: Stories make things exciting and memorable. The most exciting companies right now are the ones that tell stories about their culture. They convey their culture through blog posts, on their social channels and even on their website – not just by saying “1 week of paid vacation, benefits, etc” – we’re all use to that – but by showing what it’s like to work there.

Feel free to ride your scooters among offices and stop in at our cereal bar for some Frosted Flakes before that 1 o’clock meeting…er…I mean, ‘get together’. On the way, have a go on our colored slides, use our private phone rooms or chat about geekery next to our Star Wars decorated walls, among other things.

We’ve all seen pictures of Google’s awesome workplaces and share them because they’re memorable and exciting. It looks as though their culture is the DNA of the company, that work really isn’t “work” because it’s so fun. Work that isn’t work – Who can’t get excited about that? The stories (and images) are what get a prospect excited to work there. That sets their company apart from the “other guy” and is a lot more memorable (and potentially viral).

David: What about companies wanting to break through the media clutter, how does storytelling help them do that?

Eric: Stories are the way we all learned and connected to ideas since we were children. Almost everyone on the planet grew up listening to stories. Story defined us and were our form of entertainment. Our favorite times growing up often centered around storytime, and that hasn’t changed much. Storytelling stimulates more parts of the brain than any other communication.

What we hear is immediately connected with our personal experiences and we’re more likely to understand, remember, etc. Remember your grandpa’s war stories that brought forth feelings of anxiousness and nervousness? They kept you on the edge of your seat and you couldn’t wait to tell the other kids at school about how heroic Gramps was.

Tell a good story (a story that others think is good, not just you) and it will surface above the rest.

David: Can you talk about Explainify and how you are helping clients use visual stories to make their message more “sticky” to use Chip and Dan Heath’s term?

Eric: You can’t sell products if you’re not able to get a potential customer’s attention. We realized with businesses, there’s an epidemic of whitepapers, long business plans, and credentials being thrown around like confetti – but there isn’t anything being said that gets us as prospective customers excited enough to warrant that confetti being used. In fact, there’s a big gap between your boring business website and me signing up.

At Explainify, we wanted to address that gap and inject some fun into it. We help businesses capture the essence of what they do and turn it into a remarkable 60-90 second animated explainer video (or explanatory video) packed full of fun and strategic writing that converts and sells.

David: Why video and when might you use written story instead?

Eric: They say a picture is a worth a thousand words, so that makes video worth 1.8 million, according to Forrester Research. Can’t argue with proverbs mixed with research like that! Seriously though, 90% of online shoppers say that video helps them in their purchasing decision and 82% of internet users watch video online. We’re surrounded by video in our lives, so it’s a medium where we’re likely to get and keep their attention. In fact, a more illustrative style benefits information recall significantly over text. 80%!

That’s not to say written story isn’t effective, it’s just not our focus.

David: What would you like to say about what makes a story fascinating and what makes one Ho Hum?

Eric: A memorable story has to be simple, easy to follow and easy to recall. The problem with most businesses stories is that they think every detail has to be included. Think about a memorable billboard you saw driving down the road or an ad you saw sitting in the dentist’s office. What was remarkable about it? Its simplicity! It evoked emotion and wasn’t full of boring facts or details. Those aren’t too memorable. Facts are great, don’t get me wrong. Take those facts and spin them into one cohesive, memorable story.

David: Anything else you want to say to a business wanting to communicate in a more compelling way, whether to the marketplace or to the labor market?

Eric: You’ve got to break up the monotony. You’ve got to do something different than your competition. Be adventurous. Be bold. Be daring. Be offensive. Be creative.

We’ve seen simple animated explainer video facilitate quick understanding and interest among potential customers which leads to increased conversions, search engine results, and ultimately, real dollar sales. It’s pretty amazing what a well packaged (and presented) idea can do for your business. Don’t underestimate it and don’t undervalue it.

explainify.com

eric@explainify.com

Jun 05, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

The Real Power of Positive Praise: A True Story

by Bill Zipp, President of Leadership Link, Inc.

I had just taken over a small group of radio stations, and we were cash-starved.

Due to poor management of those who had preceded us and rapid industry de-regulation, creditors were knocking at our door on a daily basis and paychecks were routinely 1-2 weeks late.

A new surprise—not the good kind, like an IRS agent paying us a visit asking for unpaid withholding tax—seemed to pop up at every turn as sales swooned. Yet, amazingly, morale was high.

The staff understood the reasons why we had these problems, and, every individual was committed to helping solve them. At our first staff retreat, held at a hotel whose rooms we bartered for radio air time, I presented an award that through the years became one of the most coveted awards to receive in the company.

The Golden Sandals

In preparing for the retreat, I thought of the people who had worked extra hard to get us back on track. One person came to mind who had in the month prior really gone the extra mile. She worked extra long hours, took on extra responsibility, and shown an extraordinarily high level of commitment to our recovery.

A saying from the Bible popped in my head, “If someone asks you to go with him one mile, go with him two.” I was inspired! I took an old pair of my wife’s sandals, spray-painted them gold, and glued them to a wood plaque covered in red velvet I found in the garage.

The next day I made the presentation. I recounted the incredible things this person had done and presented her with, ta-da, The Golden Sandals!

This is the Corniest Story You’ve Ever Heard, Right?

All right, I know what you’re thinking. This is the corniest story you’ve ever heard. And I would agree with you, except … except what happened next. The Golden Sandals began to take on a life of their own.

At our social events every three months or so, each recipient of The Golden Sandals was given a chance to pass them on to someone else in the company who, like them, had gone the extra mile. In doing so, they had to tell why this person earned the award and what they appreciated about this person.

People would stand up, both men and women, and start talking with tears rolling down their cheeks what another person on our staff team meant to them. The recipient would take the award, display it proudly in their work area, and give it away with the same reverence with which it had been received.

At one of our events, as a complete surprise, a staff member gave a typically touching Golden Sandals speech and gave the award to me. I felt my throat tighten, my eyes well with tears, and thought to myself, “This is a stupid pair of sandals my wife never wore and a block of wood I found in the garage!”

But it really was more than that. It was a workplace revolution. It was the triumph of positive actions over negative circumstances by intentionally focusing on what people were doing right, instead of focusing on what had gone wrong.

The Real Power of Positive Praise

That’s the real power of positive praise, it brings out the best in people and energizes them to give 100 percent effort 100 percent of the time. When you consider the fact that disengaged employees cost businesses $350 billion a year, this is no mere “soft skill.”

And while it’s nice to receive recognition for being a great place to work, it’s even better to cash the checks that come as a result. Because, quite simply, leaders who consistently encourage their people create employees who are fully engaged who, in turn, win customers who become raving fans that bring significant growth to your business’ bottom line.

So go out to your garage, find a block of wood and a can of paint, and start your own revolution.About Bill Zipp

About Bill Zipp: Bill Zipp helps leaders in small and mid-size companies accelerate the growth of their business.

Since 2002, Bill has spent thousands of hours working with hundreds of business leaders worldwide, from Fortune 500 companies like Automatic Data Processing, Cisco Systems, and Agrium, Inc. to more entrepreneurial firms like Concur Technologies, Extra Mile Media, and Tunnel Radio of America.

In the process, the growth of small and mid-size companies has become Bill’s professional expertise and personal passion.

Contact Bill at:

BLOG: http://www.billzipp.com

EMAIL: bill@billzipp.com

May 17, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

What Made Nancy Duarte Resonate with Storytelling…and why should you care?

In an interview with Jonathan Fields of the GoodlifeProject, Nancy Duarte, author of Slide:ology and Resonate, explained what inspired her to write the book Resonate and what turned her into a passionate believer in the power of storytelling in business.

I recommend you watch the whole interview (you can also download the MP3s when you sign up at the GoodLifeProject website), but the part I want to share with you now comes at 27:46 when Jonathan asks Nancy Duarte about what prompted her to write Resonate.

Notice how she tells the story.

Notice how she creates a movie in your mind of the moment she realized the changed landscape of the creative industry she was in, and what she needed to do next to remain viable.

The story she shares is valuable both in its style and its message.

First, it illustrates how to make your point come alive with a story and why telling stories make your ideas more interesting and memorable.

Second, it communicates the importance of becoming a storyteller, not only in business, but in life.

Apr 29, 2013 | 1 comment View Post

How NOT to Lose a Sale: a Self-Disclosure Story by Peter Bregman

Note from David: Before you get to the story, if you want to learn more about Self-Disclosure Stories and the Hows and Whys of using them, read How to Use Self-Disclosure Stories to Foster Self-Awareness.

Also, please note, this post is like all the stories I share or ask others to share on this site. It is meant to teach on two levels.

First, the content itself is meant to be helpful. That being said, not every topic covered in every story is relevant to every reader. However, the STRUCTURE and USE of that story genre is relevant to anyone who wants to learn storytelling.

That brings us the second, and main purpose, of sharing the story in this post.

Each post is designed to demonstrate story genres you can use and how to use them. So even if the content does not directly seem relevant to you, you can use the example as a prototype for coming up with your own versions. So for instance, even if you think “Well, I’m not a sales person, so losing a sale is not relevant to me”, the structure and application of this story will still be very useful to you.

This post is by Peter Bregman, author of 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done. He is an strategic advisor to executives, a keynote speaker (see his TedTalks on Youtube) and columnist for Harvard Business Review.

OK…now for the story….

How NOT to Lose a Sale

by Peter Bregman

Robyn*, a close friend of mine and senior leader at a large pharmaceutical company, referred me to work with Dan, the CEO of one of her company’s subsidiaries and someone she knew well. She would arrange for the three of us to meet. The lead wasn’t just warm; it was hot.

During the sales process I made a series of decisions, all of which felt — in fact, still feel — eminently reasonable. Here’s what happened:

With Dan’s permission, Robyn and I met several times before the meeting to discuss Dan and his situation. Dan was new to his role as CEO and needed to step up in tricky circumstances. By the time I met with him, I understood his challenges and it was clear that they fit squarely in my sweet spot as an advisor.
The day of the meeting, Robyn and Dan were running behind schedule. We had planned for 60 minutes but now only had 20. “No problem,” I told them, “I’ve been briefed about the situation, so we can cut to the chase.”
I sat down in an empty office chair which happened to be uncomfortably low to the ground and I instinctively raised the seat to the level at which I normally sit.
Dan started the conversation with a compliment about my latest book and told me how much he enjoyed my blog posts, which reinforced my decision to “cut to the chase.”
I explained briefly what I knew about his situation and when he acknowledged that I understood it, I launched into how I would approach it.
At one point, Dan asked me a question and I hesitated before answering. Robyn suggested that we discuss it later but I didn’t want to disappoint so I thanked her but said I’d be happy to share my thoughts and I did.

Nothing I did or said or thought or felt was dramatically off base. In fact, each step — each choice I made — was practical, sensible, and appropriate from my perspective.

Which is precisely why I crashed.

I was operating from my perspective. But Dan wasn’t. He was operating from his perspective. And from his perspective, the fact that I was operating from my perspective was a deal-breaker.

The problem? I wasn’t attuned.

Daniel Pink, in his excellent book To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others, calls attunement one of the three most valuable qualities you need to move others. (Pink talked about this in a recent HBR Ideacast.)

Essentially, attunement is being in synch with who’s and what’s around you. When you’re in attunement, you’re curious. You ask questions, you listen to the answers, and you empathize.

I might have been attuned to the challenges Dan was facing — but everything I did and said indicated that I wasn’t attuned to Dan. Or even to Robyn.

According to Pink, the first rule of attunement is to reduce your power. You do that by letting go of your perspective, which opens space for you to share the perspective of others. Pink quoted one highly successful salesperson who related this to humility. Great sales people, she said, take the attitude, “I’m sitting in the small chair so you can sit in the big chair.”

I did the opposite. I raised my seat, literally and figuratively. I took control of the conversation, sidelined Robyn when she suggested we talk later, and spent what little time I had trying to prove to Dan that I understood it all and I was the right guy to help.

I was too easily flattered by Dan’s comment about my book, too rushed by our time crunch, and too eager to impress both Robyn and Dan. I tried so hard to prove my competence that I came off as incompetent. Maybe not in terms of my solution, but certainly in terms of our relationship.

I acted with the sensibility of an extrovert, which is typically assumed to offer a strong sales advantage. But Pink’s research suggests that being extroverted can actually be a liability. Why? Because too often we talk when we should be listening.

To the extent that I listened at all, I was listening to gather enough information so I could make a case to Dan that I could solve his problem. In other words, I was listening simply to empower my speaking.

But why didn’t that work? Wasn’t Dan looking for information about me and what I might do for him?

Maybe. But he as much as told me told me he knew enough about me from my writing, just like I knew a lot about him from my conversations with Robyn. No, Dan didn’t really want to hear me speak. He wanted to hear me listen.

What Dan was really looking to figure out — what most people are looking to figure out — is what it would feel like to work together. And what I showed him in our brief conversation is that it would feel like some expert coming in and telling him what he should do.

If I were Dan, I wouldn’t hire me either.

What would I do differently next time? I would sit in the chair I was offered and listen to Dan tell his story. Then I would ask him a number of questions to make sure I could see the situation with his eyes, analyze it from his point of view, and feel his emotions. I would attune to him.

That would require that I let go of my agenda, stop trying to get hired, give up trying to quickly and smartly summarize what Dan needed, and cease trying to prove myself.

My goal, the entire purpose of my presence, would be to connect.

If I did that well, I wouldn’t have to worry about showing him what I was capable of. There would be plenty of time for that later — once we started working together.

*Names and some details changed

Article originally published in the Harvard Business Review

For another one of Peter’s excellent stories check out the post Using Stories to Foster Vulnerability and Self-Discovery

About Peter Bregman: He is the author, most recently, of 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done, winner of the Gold medal from the Axiom Business Book awards, named the best business book of the year on NPR, and selected by Publisher’s Weekly and the New York Post as a top 10 business book. He is also the author of Point B: A Short Guide to Leading a Big Change and co-author of five other books. Featured on PBS, ABC and CNN, Peter is a regular contributor to Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Forbes, National Public Radio (NPR), Psychology Today, and CNN as well as a weekly commentator on Fox Business News.

Apr 20, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Do you know how to fascinate–Part II: Ken Lubin and the Death Race

In an earlier post on fascination, we explored a bit about why it is mission critical to be fascinating, and how to get started on identifying what about you is fascinating.

Now…let me give you an example: Ken Lubin, mild mannered (well maybe that’s a stretch) recruiter 9-5, absolute wild man before and after hours.

Ken was introduced to me by John Brubaker, who told me about this crazy guy who competed in the Death Race. I remember having read about the Death Race a few months earlier and was blown away by the idea anyone can endure, willingly, something so grueling. If you’ve ever read or watched any documentaries on Navy SEAL training or other Special Forces training, that’s the kind of intensity we’re talking about.

Since I’m really into extreme fitness and fascinated by people who are far beyond my level, I knew I wanted to meet him, but also wanted to interview him for my work on resilience. I wanted to learn how he cultivates mental toughness.

I’ve interviewed him twice so far and I have to say, this guy is one of THE most fascinating people I’ve ever interviewed or talked with.

It was funny, talking with John Brubaker later about how much I enjoyed talking with Ken. I noticed that John, too said how intrigued he was by Ken. I found myself thinking–a la Fascinate–“That’s what any entrepreneur, speaker, sales person, or even job applicant” wants people to think about them.

If you want to make an impact, people have to CARE about what you have to say.

They need to find you fascinating.

Part of what makes you fascinating is being really passionate about something. Another part is when that something is really unusal.

To give you an example of this, let’s have Ken tell you first hand his experience in his second Death Race.

Besides being a cool story, it has some great lessons.

Notice how it makes you want to learn more about this person and what makes him tick, more about his perspective on facing challenges and adversity.

OK…enough of the preamble, let’s get to the story, after….

….I mention a webinar that will help YOU become more fascinating…

If you want to learn how to make your presentations (whether to a group or a one-on-one conversation) more fascinating and inspiring, check out the upcoming webinar Fascinating Inspiring U. If you can’t make it live, sign up and you’ll get the recording.

Whether you wnat to be a better speaker, a more inspiring leader, or a more compelling salesperson, this webinar will help you amp up your Fascination and Inspiration Quotient.

OK…noq doe Ken’s wild and wooly story….

Death Race 2012. The year of Betrayal. (How to quit and still win)

What an amazing race this was. It was totally unlike last year, easier in some ways and more difficult in others. But I can say it pushed me farther than I have ever gone before! I went 60+ miles on my feet, with an untold elevation gain and 53 hours of racing.

This year’s race had a theme of betrayal- which meant don’t believe anything any one says and the rules can change during the race.

During this race you will laugh, cry, and feel euphoria, dread and any other emotion that can come out of you. Also you will notice muscles you never felt, have blisters you never had, and feel beaten up like never before.

Throughout the race we were required to have with us at all times the following items: Needle, Thread, Life Jacket, Black Compression Shirt, Pen, Paper, Bag of Human Hair, pink swim cap, 5 gallon bucket, Axe

Last year I wrote about what I learned which was amazing, and this year I learned many new things, but I wanted to go into a detailed task by task summary of the race.

If you are offended by profanity, don’t read it. (It’s not too bad) But if you want to laugh and see how screwed up this thing is, have fun!

Pre Race warm up- farm duty, race briefing.

This consisted of chopping wood, raking, carrying big things and getting you tired in the hot afternoon sun. Next we had to do a swim and culvert training. (What is culvert training? Crawling 200 yards under the road in a pipe that is 3 ft wide and completely dark) Then for the race briefing, all 238 racers had to get in a freezing (spring fed, so it was cold) pond where the organizer dumped numbered ping pong balls into the pond. You had to grab a ball and find the other racers with the same number to form a team. This is how your team was set for the next 30 hours of the race.

Task 1. 22+ mile hike with heavy things (the start)

This year’s first task included carrying a large tractor tire, a Kayak, and/or a Pipe filled with 200lbs of water for 22+ miles on the long trail in VT. If you don’t know the Long Trail, picture going through a 2- 4 ft wide section of side walk with roots, rocks, trees, moss, and everything else you can imagine, with an enormous amount of climbing and descending. This task consisted of teams of 10-15 people carrying the above. During this time, the group at the back was told if they didn’t pass the next group, that they were going to be DQ’d from the race. (not true, as this was the year of Betrayal), but as you can imagine this created chaos and people were running with the above items. (Picture running of the bulls with these items above your head)

Task 2. Swim, buckets, hike

After carrying the insanely awkward objects for 22 miles, we were asked to swim about a qtr. of a mile. This was the most relaxing time of the event. What we didn’t realize is that we weren’t going to be able to get a resupply of food or water (except for the stream or reservoir) for the first 24 hours of the race. Many people including myself didn’t pack the appropriate supplies, but luckily I have a few extra pounds to burn (if you ever want to go on a diet, I suggest you try this for 24 hours). After the swim we had to carry 10 (5) gallon buckets of rocks about ¼ to ½ mile, which was again a welcome relief in comparison to the pipes and kayaks. Like I said above we had no food, but the race organizers where tempting us with pizza, donuts, sandwiches, if we would like to quit. I think a few people went down at this point.

Task 3. 12-15 mile hike back towards town (but not all the way)

We all thought that we were going to go back to base camp to get food and supplies, but that was not going to happen. We were led to a 2 hr exam which we had to take (exam in a death race??, yes). Imagine going full speed for 24 hours and then having to sit for 2+ hours, not very good for the muscles. Still no food, but water was given to us, but the same temptation of food was there if you wanted to quit.

Task 4. Hike back to town (ish)

Upon leaving this checkpoint, AKA Rodgers, we headed to what we thought was our base camp again, WRONG!!! We were lead back down to the valley but in the opposite direction of the most coveted food supply known to man. During one instance a support person dropped a couple of Gatorades and a bag of cookies on the ground and I have never seen so many people drop to the ground and look for crumbs. It was like dropping a bag of French Fries on the ground at the beach with a flock of seagulls around. This was at about hour 24.

Task 5. Race to the Top

We then get to the bottom of the next mountain, Joe’s Mountain, for a race to the top. We were told that if you were one of the last 50 racers that you were endangered of getting kicked out, I made sure I was up front. At the top of the mtn. our support crews were allowed to meet us. This was like a gift from god. Food, water, and hope all mixed together. Chaos ensued during this! Picture the seagull story from above with only 100 bags of fries and 1000 seagulls!!! (Pigeons, if you are not from the coast). My wife met us up there to supply me with food and was attacked. Some racer asked her if he could kiss her.

Task 6. Check in and go find your flag.

This is where the race broke wide open. I was able to hook up with 3 super strong racers for this task. Jeff Foster, PJ Rakoski and unfortunately I can’t remember the third. We had to check in, get a number and were then sent into the woods with a 5 gallon bucket of rocks and had to find the corresponding ribbon and dump the rocks in the holes where the numbers were. Fortunately for us, we found our flag right away; apparently many teams were there for hours and looking for their stick. (the race organizers have since admitted that there were moles moving them around, remember this was the year or Betrayal.) We had to make 2 trips up the final part of Joe’s mountain to dump our rocks.

Task 7. Chopping wood.

Holy shit!! I don’t think I have ever seen a tree this wide on the ground! Most often it is good to be in the lead, but not at this point. We were told that we needed to chop a piece of wood that was 40 inches long and 36 inches wide and then bring the whole thing back to the farm and rebuild it (the farm was 3 miles away, up and over the mtn.) This was mind blowing. We were also told that we needed just 12 pieces of wood 20 inches long. As this was the year of betrayal, I took the lesser of 2 evils. After much deliberation and receiving final clarification we got from the organizers. (mind f*ck) At this point we needed to carry the wood back over the top of the mtn. over to Amee farm, which is headquarters for the race.

Task 8. Origami

Origami, what the f*** is origami and why is it in this race. (but this is the death race). So back over the Mtn. we went to Borden’s farm. (Back over the mtn. was not just a trail over the mtn.). It was up a ravine with waterfalls, fallen trees, moss, and stinging nettles (they suck), all while still carrying the axe, bucket, life preserver and anything else that was on the mandatory gear list. Once we reached the next side of the mountain we were on to our next task, origami. Many of you don’t know me, but in order to draw a stick figure, I need directions. This was about 36 hours into the race at 2:30 am. This is where I paired up with my 2 compatriots, Don Schwartz and PJ Rakoski for the rest of the race. After an hour in the woods trying to memorize how to fold a “flying crane”, we took off to perform what we learned, we couldn’t move to the next task, if this wasn’t complete. My flying crane was awesome!!! We then had to split 10 logs and then back to Amee farm we went for the next task, (Amee farm was a 2 hour five mile hike, but we just rocked and rolled, it was great!)

Task 8: Concrete

Once we got back to Amee Farm at day break we were onto the next task. Bring a 60lb bag of concrete to the top of the Mtn. while still carrying all your stuff. So away we go. 60lb of concrete, 20lb pack, 2k vertical climb, back to the top of the mtn. Once at the top of the mtn., we dropped the bag off and headed back down. 2.5 hours round trip. Things are now starting to get a little fuzzy. I wonder why? (44 hours into the race, no sleep, 50 miles+ on foot) After retuning back to the farm we were told to go back over the same mtn, for the 3rd or 4th time to Riverside Farm, back corner of the field.

Task 9: The Vomit

This was the most insane thing I have ever done!! Not like everything leading up to this wasn’t but this blows it out of the water!!

As the leaders we get to farm first and saw that there was a course of tape about ¼ of a mile long made in the middle of a field which wasn’t mowed and the grass was 3 ft high, this is where the fun began! We had to roll the entire way. (Yes I said roll, on your side over and over again) We had to roll through grass, over rocks and trees, and under 200ft of a hot black tarp that was fully exposed to the sun. Oh and I forgot to mention the bucket of rotting animal organs we had to stir to get the smell going. (The tea cups at Disney make me sick) this was out of control. I don’t usually puke unless I have had huge amounts of red wine or beer, but I puked no less than 10 times during this. And we had to do 6 laps! I think I am still dizzy. Once we completed that task, we headed back over the mtn.. (seriously???). And for the rest of the people behind us except for us 3 and 4 more, this was the official end of the race.

After hiking over the mtn. and back down we were 3-4 hours in the lead and we thought this fucker was over!! As we were coming down there were 50+ people scattered all over the place that were on the verge of dying and heading up with the concrete that we did 2 tasks ago and they were 12-14 hours behind us.

PJ, Don, and I felt great; we were coming back to base camp and were ready for a beer, some dinner and being reunited with our support teams and loved ones but nope. We walked into check in and were told to go back over the mtn. with a bucket of rocks. Don, PJ and I knew that we were extremely fresh, felt great and that this thing could have gone on perpetually.

At this point we decided to call it quits. In our mind the race was over. We had done what we needed to do and crushed the field. It was 53 hours of stress we put on our wives, families and support staff and we couldn’t do that that any more. It was time to get back to life.

Many people are calling us quitters and that is fine!

What I learned is that while I love to race, train like a maniac and love to win, my life outside of this is more important. My family, my career, and next goals needed to be met. No we didn’t win and technically didn’t finish, my objectives were met. For the last year I have been training like crazy and I wanted to win this thing more than ever. I may not have won this, but I proved I was one of the best athletes and I am taking that away from this. So is it possible to quit and still win? I think it is!!

Lastly, I would like to thank all my support staff you all know who you are, PJ and Don, and all the race organizers for bringing me to a place, I have never been before. Also I would like to congratulate all the athletes if you finished or not, just getting in line for something like this is incredible!

______________________________________

David here…just a heads up… If you want to get better at this whole business of communicating in a powerful, fascinating way, I will be doing a workshop titled Fascinating Inspiring U in Maine of May 4th and a free webinar with the same title on April 24th

Check out the program descriptions:

The Maine Workshop:

http://storiesthatchange.com/fascinating-inspiring-u-workshop/

The Webinar:

http://storiesthatchange.com/fascinating-inspiring-u-webinar/

______________________________________

More about Ken Lubin: I am a Managing Director with ZRG Partners www.zrgpartners.com and we are Global Executive Retained Search firm and I am based outside of Boston. I oversee a practice in Financial Services and have been working with key clients in identifying and placing individuals on a global basis. Currently I am working on searches in China, Hong Kong, Brazil, India, Singapore and the US. Also I have done a lot work in the emerging markets of Central and Eastern Europe and Latin America. I am also expanded my practice into the technology business as well.

Secondly I am passionate about Social Media and run 4 key groups on Linked In, one on Facebook, and you can follow me on Twitter.
1. Executive Athletes (9200 Members)
2. Boston Banking and Financial Services Professionals (6800 members)
3. Global Leasing and Lending Professionals (4500 members)
4. New York Banking and Financial Services Professionals (1100 members)
5. Executive Athletes on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/executiveathletes
6. Twitter @Executiveathlet

Moving into 2013 I am looking to take Executive Athletes, which was born out of social media, to a new level and have some great ideas to bringing some of the most passionate professionals and athletes I have ever known together. Also if you have any ideas about the growth and direction of the group, please let me know.

Most Importantly I love to bring awesome people together and please let me know if there is anything I can help you with. As always you can reach me at my desk at 508 366 5800 ext 219, my mobile at 508 733 4789 or my email at klubin@zrgpartners.com

Secondly there is a great book about Mental toughness that I am a fan of. Many of these I had, then lost when I didn’t trust myself and have regained over the last few years.

http://www.mentaltoughnesssecrets.com/

Apr 12, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

The Best Story Always Wins: Prioritizing Storytelling to Generate Leads, Sales, And Lots Of Love

by Eric Hinson

Eric Hinson is the Founder and CEO of Explainify, which specializes in short, engaging, remarkable explainer videos for businesses. You can see a wide selection of videos they’ve produced in their portfolio. If you’re interested in learning more about how Explainify helps companies tell their stories, sign up for the newsletter on their homepage. This post was a joint effort with Emerging Ideas (@emergingideas). Tim Bickers and Tommy Deuschle are the co-founders of Emerging Ideas, which incubates and builds bright entrepreneurs and their ideas in the USA and Southern Africa. To learn more, watch their video below.

This is guest post #3 in a series from Explainify:

At Explainify, we’re committed to telling the best story, and we have a big vision for that. Whether it’s a bootstrapped startup or a Fortune 100 company, we know there’s a great story in there somewhere, and we want to extract it and motivate the world with it. Now, let me introduce you to some amazing storytelling partners of ours, Emerging Ideas, an organization committed to telling the best stories in Africa. We partnered together to tell a true story that sheds light on some opportunities happening in Zimbabwe.

For the rest of the blog post

Apr 04, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Why you can’t just use abstract terms; why you need to say “What I mean by that is…”

Thanks to Mike Linardi’s ezine, I discovered the Corner Office column in the NY Times, where Adam Bryant reports on conversations he’s had with CEOs about key issues. One that caught my attention was an interview with Robert W. Selander, the CEO of Mastercard on the importance of presence.

Presence is such a key factor in our ability to communicate, because it profoundly affects whether we are our message or whether who we are conflicts with what we say.

Because of this, I was excited to read what Robert W. Selander had to say about this important quality.

However, as I read what he said about presence, I found myself at first confused and then with a useful “Ah hah!”.

Here’s what he said about presence:

Can you elaborate more on what you mean by presence?

A. At varying levels in the company, you interact with different stakeholders. Having somebody spend time with a member of Congress is very different than having somebody go downstairs and see that they were appropriately replacing a torn carpet. You need a different capability to deal with those circumstances, not only from a knowledge standpoint but from a presence standpoint.

As I’ve gone through my career, I’ve been challenged to deal with different stakeholders. Internally, when I was younger and more junior, I probably did pretty well with peers. But then how do you credibly communicate with more senior people, who are not as concerned about some things perhaps in the details, but they want a bigger picture?

So it’s a combination of not only how you convey things, but what you convey to these various stakeholders. Presence is learning to deal with different audiences in a way that allows them to get what they need out of this interaction and ensures that the well-being of the company is looked after.

Q.Isn’t that what some people describe as just good communication skills?

A. I think you can be a good communicator and you still may not have presence. There may be someone who is very articulate on a subject and they know levels of detail. When you get with a particular audience, it may not be appropriate to go into those levels of detail, or you may create doubt by even going into the subject matter. There’s inside information in a company, for example. You never cross that bright line, but you can get varying degrees of proximity to that line, depending on your audience.

Some people are not very good communicators, but boy, when you get them into their subject matter they know exactly where to go and how far to go. Others are brilliant communicators, but because of the connection between their thoughts and the synapses firing and the words coming out, there isn’t enough time and introspection. Therefore they will brilliantly communicate something that they shouldn’t be talking about. Presence is knowing what to communicate, and how.

Now, when you read what he describes as “presence”, did that match your definition of presence?

It sure didn’t match mine.

I found myself thinking “the interviewer is right…what he’s talking about is communication skills…about being adaptable and speaking in ways that work with your audience”.

What he described as “presence” is very different from what I think of when I think of presence.

Why should you care about this?

Understanding what other people’s Complex Equivalents for abstract terms like “presence”, “leadership” or “authenticity” or “great customer service” is important if you want to truly understand what they’re saying.

Explaining your Complex Equivalents by illustrating examples is important if you want your audience to truly understand what you are saying.

What’s a Complex Equivalent?

What’s a Complex Equivalent you ask?

Here’s a definition of Complex Equivalent from NLP Akadamesi.com

“The individual’s cognitive map or sensory representation of a particular word, label or expression; the meaning they assign to an abstract form of words. A different experience or action that has the same meaning for an individual as the experience they are considering. Misunderstanding occurs when two individuals each assign meaning to an abstract word or phrase and then act as if they were using a shared, defined meaning.”

So, while two people might use the term “respect” and say they show people respect, their Complex Equivalents could be very different.

So for instance, one person could challenge people aggressively, point out people’s flaws in front of others, and shoot down ideas using harsh judgments, all the time seeing themselves as respectful. For another, “respect” might equal not disagreeing with people in public, not pointing out people’s mistakes or shortcomings, etc.

So what?

1. We must never assume we know what someone means, just because they use the same term as we do. When coaching and consulting, you want to explore what people mean when they use important terms. Ask them for examples.

2. We need to explain our Complex Equivalents if we want people to understand what we’re saying at a concrete, visceral level.

So how can you use this knowledge?

1. For important terms you often use in your presentations or coaching, come up with specific examples that illustrate and explain those terms.

2. When using abstract terms, follow up with “So for instance…” and “What I mean by that is….” or “An example of that would be…” – This makes it MUCH easier for the human brain to comprehend and make neural connections. Remember, the more abstract a concept, the farther it is from reality, and therefore the harder it is for the brain to process (and therefore the more quickly someone will give up trying to understand).

Conversely, the more concrete and sensory rich communication is, the more it impacts at an emotional, visceral level, and the more easily understood it is. Also the more abstract a term is, the more likely someone will fill in the blanks with their own Complex Equivalents. This can often result in them completely missing your point, while thinking they get it.

By the way, here’s an example of “for instance…”

Remember what you read a moment ago:

Remember, the more abstract a concept, the farther it is from reality, and therefore the harder it is for the brain to process (and therefore the more quickly someone will give up trying to understand). Conversely, the more concrete and sensory rich communication is, the more it impacts at an emotional, visceral level, and the more easily understood it is.

Well that’s pretty darn abstract, is it not?

Well, let’s make it more concrete and therefore more understandable…

“So for instance, think of the difference between having someone hug you and having someone include in their email ‘Bug Hug.” One is more concrete and sensory rich than the other, and has a much bigger impact. Compare the level of abstractness between the smiley face emoticon 🙂 , reading “She laughed uproariously”, hearing an audio recording of someone laughing, or actually being in the presence of someone laughing. Notice how as you slide along the continuum of abstract to concrete and sensory rich, the experience and impact increases.

This is one of the reasons why stories shine as communication devices. They make ideas come alive because they turn ideas into experiences, because they are sensory rich and visceral.

So…remember to ask about other people’s Complex Equivalents and give examples of yours.

Mar 30, 2013 | 0 comments View Post