Category: Stories for Coaches and Entrepreneurs

Add Credibility and Up Your Fascination Factor with Cool Scientific Research

In an earlier blog post about Sally Hogshead’s book Fascinate, we explored the importance of making your ideas fascinating.

One of the best ways to amp up the fascination factor of your presentations–and add credibility– is to include fascinating scientific research.

Doing so makes your key points far “stickier”, to use Made to Stick author’s Chip and Dan Heath’s term.

I’m a big fan of using scientific research for personal reasons because I just find it immensely fascinating. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that experts in a particular scientific field are so focused on their specialty, they often don’t know about research from disparate fields, nor do they try to translate their ideas into practical applications.

One of the things I love to do is connect the dots from research from disparate disciplines and translate the take away message to practical strategies leaders can use in the workplace and people can use in their personal lives.

I am also a big fan of sharing scientific research in my talks because love it.

Over the years, when people have told me they really like my presentations, two of the four most common comments are:

1. They love the use of stories

2. They love it that I use scientific research. They often say they love the research because it makes what I say more credible…especially to the more skeptical members of their team who think anything but spreadsheets and the hard sciences is “soft.” They also just find the research (when told well) just plain fascinating.

Here is an excerpt from my audio program Storytelling for Leaders that illustrates two examples of some of my favorite research, me telling the story behind it, and then exploring the implications.

One of the areas of research you’ll hear is the fascinating line of inquiry called the Ultimatum Game. The Ultimatum Game is from the world of neuroeconomics. The findings from this research has huge implications for leaders. More specifically, it reveals our hard-wired desire for fairness and how irrational people are about unfairness. In the audio clip, you’ll hear me talk about the leadership implications.

The second area of study is some really fascinating research involving audio recordings of physicians being used to predict who gets sued and who doesn’t. After sharing the story behind the research, I talk about the implications of this research on managers and leaders, and how you cannot afford to be careless with your use of power.

I first read about this research in Malcom Gladwell’s book Blink. You can find a link at his site for the PDF of the article by Nalini Ambady et al., “Surgeons’ Tone of Voice: A Clue to Malpractice History.” detailing her research.

Hopefully you will notice how both scientific story research makes the points both more intriguing and more powerful.

Just a heads up…I will be doing a free webinar titled “Fascinating Inspiring U”. To make sure you get notified about it, sign up for future announcements in the box below my picture.

Examples of Books that Contain Fascinating Scientific Research and the Stories Behind It

Blink by Malcom Gladwell

Switch by Chip and Dan Heath

Influencers by Kerry Patterson et al

Predictably Irrational by Daniel Ariely

Internet Sources of Fascinating Research

ScienceDaily.com

Alltop.com

Alltop.com’s neuroscience section

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Mar 28, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Do you know how to fascinate?: Lessons from Sally Hogshead

Are you fascinating?

That might seem like a “no win” question, because if you answer “yes” you might feel like you’re being narcissistic and if you say “no” well….that’s kind of depressing…

But…you are probably way more fascinating than you think you are.

You’ve had experiences, you’ve done things, and you probably have hobbies that other people would think “Wow…that’s cool. You did/do that!”

I’ve seen this when I’ve done the team-building exercise where people write down on an index card something they bet others don’t know about them and something they did that was very cool and interesting.

You would be surprised at the amazing things seemingly “average” people have done or do.

When I participate, I share how I hitchkiked cross-country when I was in my 20s and also that I surf (including in the winter, before I came to my senses).

Anyway…I decided to write about this because this past week I was re-listening to a program by Dan Kennedy where he was emphasizing the importance of storytelling in marketing and how you need to mine your past for fascinating stories that set you apart and make people want to hear from you.

If you want people to care about what YOU have to say…rather than let you slip into the background along with the cacophony of marketing messages, advice-giving gurus, sales messages, vendors knocking at their doors, etc…you need to tap into what about you is fascinating.

These experiences and interests can also be a MAJOR source of fascinating stories you can use to make your presentations come alive.

So for instance, I can use a story about customer service that happened in Maine, where I currently live, or I can tell a story from an experience I had with a tram conductor in Melbourne, Australia.

Which context do you think audiences find more fascinating?

Sometimes when I talk about shifting your perspective as a stress management technique, I share the story of how, when I was backpacking in Glacier National Park–part of my cross country hitchhiking adventure–I used my favorite stress management technique, Instant Perspective–to get a good night’s sleep where moments before I was scared out of my mind.

I was scared because I was camping in a place where, the night before, a man was chased by a Grizzly Bear. I was alone in this back country camping spot and there was no place to hide. But by using Instant Perspective, I was able to switch off the fear and sleep like a baby.

Now…using that context to teach the story is more fascinating than some vanilla context, isn’t it?

If you would like some background on what Sally Hogshead calls fascination triggers, check out her book Fascinate or watch this brief video.

In a future post, I’ll share with you an example from someone I find incredibly fascinating and why that’s so.

BTW…Just a heads up…I will be doing a free webinar titled “Fascinating Inspiring U”. To make sure you get notified about it, sign up for future announcements in the box below my picture.

How to Use This

Make a list of things you’ve done that you think are kind of cool.–They were fun, fascinating, mind-expanding, took you out of your comfort zone, or were even someone risky.
Think of what you learned from those experiences–Then use these stories as teaching stories.
Include more of what you love to do in your personal life in your writing and speaking–So for me, these would include surfing, extreme fitness, my experiences volunteering at an animal shelter, and cool scientific research that has HUGE implications for human performance and happiness).
Notice what fascinates you about others, and learn from that–Notice both what it is about them that fascinates you and how they tell stories that fascinate you. See how you can apply that in your communication.

Mar 18, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Turn your Elevator Pitch into a “Here’s the difference my work makes” story: Letitia Fox of Canine Colors

I met Letitia Fox, author of Canine Colors http://www.caninecolors.com/ at the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco. If you’re not aware of True Colors, it’s an extremely useful and fun way of understanding different personality styles and how to best connect and communicate with them.

Letitia has taken this model into the canine world as a tool for dog owners and people who work with dogs. Canine Colors helps people understand each dog’s personality and how to best interact and work with them.

In short, it’s a way to help dog owners become more of a “Dog Whisperer”.

I asked Letitia to tell me about her work, which she does in the first part of the video.

I then asked her to tell me a story about the difference Canine Colors has made to a client. She responded by telling me the story in the second part of the video.

Notice the difference in the two presentations.

In the first presentation, you see that Letitia has a dynamic and engaging personality, and is clearly passionate about what she has to offer. Notice it covers the WII-FM—the “What’s in it for me”—right in the beginning, which is very important, and then goes into describing her service delivery model, or the “ how”.

While her enthusiasm is infectious, that presentation alone is not enough. You’re left with a conceptual understanding—a 30,000 foot view—of the value her book and her service provides, but not a more real life, “Oh…I get it” sense of the difference it can make.

This is very common among business people when they give their “elevator pitch”.

In the second presentation, where she tells the story, notice how your level of engagement shifts. Notice how it’s easier to grasp the benefit of her book and her service. If you don’t have a dog that perplexes you, imagine your response to the story if you WERE a dog owner who loved their dog, but often felt frustrated by the dog’s behavior…and felt guilty about some of the bad feelings you had about your dog because of your frustration. Wouldn’t that story make you want to learn more?

Now… if I were coaching her on how to improve the story, I would make a few recommendations. Keep in mind that she told this story “off the cuff” and despite that did a great job. In contrast, I have the ability to review the tape and deconstruct her story. This is one of the benefits of recording and analyzing your story. I also have 25 years of experience using and teaching storytelling.

So…here are some of the recommendations I would make:

Name the breed of dog. This makes it easier for the listener to create an image in their mind, which makes it easier for them to relate to the story and remember it, because they can simply “replay the movie.” When telling your stories, you want to include enough sensory detail to help the listener create mental pictures of what you’re talking about.
Describe the frustrating behaviors the dog was engaging in. Just as with naming the breed of the dog, describing the behaviors makes it easier for the listener to create a picture in their mind of what the problematic behaviors were. Not only does this make it easier for them to “play the movie” it also helps spark the listener’s interest. It helps them recognize “Hey…that’s me she’s talking about”…which is the response you want all of your ideal clients to have when you tell your stories. Describing the behaviors also connect the listener with their own pain around the issue, which would make them even more interested in the solution.
Describe the lady’s problematic behaviors. Doing this not only achieves the above points already made, it also helps the listener become aware of potentially problematic behaviors they are engaging in, and don’t even realize. This helps increase their motivation to learn more.
Add a few more descriptions of what the lady did differently after learning about Canine Colors. Notice she did describe a few of the fun activities they did more of—running and hiking. That was great. If there were other behaviors she did that were less controlling and more fun, I would mention those.
Describe how the relationship has changed. Notice I prompted Letitia to talk about this. I did that because, in what I call the Pain and Promise Story, you want to also describe the “After Picture” of what it’s like after someone benefits from your product or service. It’s sort of like those After Pictures in infomercials where you see the thin guy holding out the waist of his old pants in which you could now fit two or three of him in. (BTW…notice the use of an analogy to explain the “After Picture”).
If I were coaching Letitia, I would ask her to describe how the relationship was enhanced. I would ask her to describe what’s different externally as well as internally.So for instance, an external difference might be “Now… her Golden no longer acts all wired. So for instance…rather than leaping out of reach each time the lady tries to get her to sit, or obey some other command, she follows her commands. She does it because the lady now doesn’t practice commands until AFTER they go for a really brisk walk and short game of fetch.”BTW…notice I said “for instance”. This is an effective way of taking a concept—in this case “no longer acts all wired”–and translates it into a concrete example, so the person doesn’t have to guess what you mean.

Remember I mentioned that I would coach Letitia to talk about what has changed internally with the woman. What I mean by that is how she now feels in situations that had previously frustrated her. Because we are motivated to act by our feelings, you want your story to communicate how your product or service results in different feelings…feelings the person WANTS to have. So for instance, Letitia might say “Now…instead of feeling frustrated with her Golden a lot of the time…and feeling guilty about that…she now feels pure love and complete enjoyment of their time together.”

So those are some of the ways Letitia could take a good story and make it even more compelling.

As you work on your “Here’s how I help people” story, you can use these principles to make your story more fascinating and compelling.

The other key take away message is to CATCH stories. Before you can work on and tweak your stories, you need to collect them.

So…I recommend you make a list of 3-5 of your favorite examples of the difference your book, product, or service has made to your customers, and then tell some people the story of the difference it made in those customer’s lives, and ask them for feedback on how clear and compelling each story was.

Use their feedback to refine or discard each story.

You can also submit your story (if it’s short) for review and if I think it’s a good story to use as a teaching example, I will critique it.

Mar 16, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

The difference making a presentation story-centric makes: Susan Mayginnes tells her story

Hopefully you’ve noticed that when I share a story on this blog, I share it both because the content of the story is useful or inspiring and…how it demonstrates the use of storytelling as a powerful communication vehicle.

This post comes to you courtesy of Susan Mayginnes of Commit to Greatness who I recently met at the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco. I was hosting a round table on storytelling and really enjoyed what Susan was sharing with the group and asked her if she would share a story with my audience. This short video describes her experience with taking a presentation she was preparing and switch it from “traditional Powerpoint bulleted list centric” to “story centric.”

Besides noticing the difference it made, what I really would like you to notice is how the simple act of wrapping her take away message–“telling stories is far more effective”–in a story makes the message more interesting.

Susan could simply state this message without a story and you would probably think “I know. I know…storytelling is a good thing…tell me something I don’t know.”

However, by presenting that message through a story, the message feels more fresh, interesting, and important.

Also, because Susan shares her own growth process in learning to use stories, she makes herself easier to bond to than if she came across as an all-knowing expert.

Rather than her coming across as an expert who knows the right way and is showing you the way, she shares her story as a fellow learner who wants the same thing as you…to make your presentations more interesting and for your audience to respond positively.

By sharing her “before and after pictures”, she also gives you a sneak preview of what you can have if you use storytelling.

This type of story is what I call a Promise Story. It communicates the benefit, the good things that the listener will get, by listening to and applying what you have to say.

Promise Stories are especially useful in the beginning of a presentation. They draw the audience in because the story speaks to what the audience desires and communicates that if they listen to you, they will learn how to get what they desire.

OK…before you watch the video, be ye forewarned that we shot it outside and you’ll hear some wind noise. Hopefully you will notice it for a moment and then focus on what Susan has to say…

So…how to apply this?

Think of key points you want to get across in your presentations and “wrap” them in a story.

Mar 04, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

How to use a story to impact at the visceral level, rather than just at the intellectual…

I just heard a great example of someone turning a truism one might know intellectually into something that hits you at the visceral level, by using a story.

I was re-listening to David Neagle’s teleseminar series The Miracle of Money (which is outstanding, BTW…I think it’s something we should teach in our schools) and came upon this story from the bible he tells to illustrate a point.

Basically, he was talking about how you can’t just affirm into existence what you want–a la The Secret–and hope for a miracle. But, that you must engage in what he calls “miracle making activities”. He talks about how when we try to affirm things like “I am in great shape” or “My business is growing” but do nothing to make those happen, our subconscious mind is thinking “That’s BS…you don’t mean it and you don’t believe it.”

While you might think this is common sense:

1. There are a lot of people who believe that simply affirming things over and over will miraculously make them happen.

2. There are a lot of people who live their lives acting as if, without action, good things will happen.

To be honest, I’ve done #2 more times than I would like to admit, so I felt somewhat “busted” as he talked about this.

But, I found the way he framed it in a biblical story especially powerful.

As I heard the story again, it hit home at a deeper level and…made me think “I want to share this with my storytelling folks as a great example of how to use a story to make your idea, which could easily be taken as nothing new and common sense, and make it come alive…and make it hit at a visceral level…not just an intellectual level.”

Listen to the story and notice the power it adds to the concept.

Then think about concepts you want to teach and how you can use stories like this to make them “stickier” (as in Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath)

You can literally listen to the audio excerpt at the bottom of this post, or…read it:

The other story is one that comes out of Christian scripture. It‘s where Christ was in a home. It says he was teaching to the family in this home, and the multitude was out around the home.

What‘s the multitude? According to the Bible, the multitude was hundreds or thousands of people. They gathered around the home in hopes of many different things. Some wanted teaching from Christ. Some wanted healing from Christ. They all wanted to get something from him, so they were standing outside the home waiting in hopes that they might get something from him.

There was a family that lived a few miles away. The family had a dying father, and they had gotten word that Christ was teaching in this home just a few miles away.

They put the father in a cart and carted over to the home. When they got there, they can‘t get to the door because the multitude was standing all around the house.

What they did was said, ―Father will have his healing.

They climbed up and hoisted the father onto the roof of the home. They ripped off the top of the roof and lowered the father down in front of Christ to get the healing. The father was healed.

For everybody else on the outside around the home, if you were ask if they wanted their healing, would say, ―Yes, please,‖ but they just stood there. The person who really wanted it spent their time in miracle-generating activities. They would not be denied success in the healing of the father, so they found a way where there was no way.

They could have got there and said, ―We can‘t get through these thousands of people. He‘s busy. Maybe we‘d be disturbing him.‖ Some of you are afraid to make phone calls and call people because you‘re disturbing people.

In the Christian religion, Christ is the son of God, and these people had no problem bothering the son of God or ripping off the roof of the house to lower him to the son of God. They weren‘t afraid to be ashamed, embarrassed or told no.

They said, ―We will have our healing. We will have our abundance. We‘re not going to be weak of heart and mind. We‘re not going to be distracted by all the people who don‘t have the confidence to go in and ask for and demand what they want. We will have it.‖ Christ granted their request.

Christ‘s story is very interesting. If you look throughout the Bible, you realize there were only a few people Christ actually healed. At some point, you have to ask yourself why. If Christ had the power to heal all of humanity, why did he come here and just heal a few?

You don‘t find him healing anybody who didn‘t go through great pains in order to ask him to heal. That‘s the difference between really desiring what you want and just slightly wanting it because you don‘t like what your situation is presenting.

© 2011 Life Is Now, Inc * 500 North Michigan Avenue, Suite 300 * Chicago, IL 60611 Ph / fax 888-720-7117

For more of David Neagle’s work, go to DavidNeagle.com.

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Jan 30, 2013 | 2 comments View Post

Focus is the # 1 Thing…except when it’s not: Perspective Shift with Twitter founder Evan William

I just came across a great example of a “Perspective Shift Story” in an article by Evan Williams in the February issue of Inc. magazine.

While the content of the perspective shift is interesting to me–as someone with multiple interests and finding it hard to choose just one–it’s the structure I want US to focus on.

Most of the article was about the importance of focusing. He gives the example of an earlier company he started, Odeo, that failed because they tried to be “the podcasting company” rather than focus on one product and do it better than anyone else.

They didn’t focus, though on one thing, they instead tried to be all things podcast.

Then came iTunes.

Need I say more?

So…the whole article is about focus until…he get’s to this point:

The irony, of course, is that both Blogger and Twitter started as side projects. If I had been absolutely focused on the main project, they might never have happened. So, there is something to be said for knowing when you’re locked in to the right problem.

Fortunately to those struggling with the “do I get narrow or stay multidimensional?” issue, he offers some advice:

To me, that comes down to the gut. The things that keep nagging at you are the ones worth exploring.

Again…forget the content for a moment and think of the structure:

1. Idea A is the way to go

2. Beaucoup evidence backing that assertion up.

3. Idea B which totally contradicts Idea A is presented with extremely compelling evidence to back IT up.

4. Invitation to practice discernment and…not buy into every “great” idea an “expert” states as a truth.

So how and when to use this?

1. When you want someone to break free from a “there’s only one right way…tell it to me” mentality
2. When you want to help someone breakout of their own “this is the right way” mentality and see that their way could be right and…there could be equally valid approaches and perspectives.

Jan 25, 2013 | 2 comments View Post

How to Use Videos to Facilitate Deep Reflection and Conversation

At a leadership retreat I facilitated a while back, I shared with the team the video of Jonathan and Charlotte (see below).

We used it as a catalyst for discussing how they can “Be a Charlotte” to each other during the challenging transitional period they were going through. Even though they have been a strong team for years with members who truly love and appreciate each other, they had temporarily lost their awareness and ability to support and encourage each other.

We used the video to spark conversation about how they can once again “Be Charlottes” to each other in supportive, encouraging ways.

This is a simple example of using a video to spark deep conversation about important issues.

It’s also an example of being mindful of any and all experiences you have as potential teaching tools.

So in this case, after watching the video a couple of times and moving beyond the pure heart-warming and mind-blowing aspects of it, I found myself thinking:

“What’s going on here that is so big and where else can this message be brought?”

Perhaps the biggest theme for me was the power of “Holding the Vision” for another when they cannot. Charlotte could see Jonathan’s greatness when he could not and because of her unwavering friendship and confidence in him, he was able to attempt something he would never have dreamed possible.

In my blog on resilience WhateverLifeBrings.com, I wrote about this and included the following. I’m sharing it here to give you an example of how to use the video as tool to facilitate deep reflection and conversation.

In this context, I’m sharing the video with you as a way to catalyze you to think about how you can mirror back to someone the gifts and potential you see in them.

Think for a moment of friends or colleauges who can’t yet hold the vision for themselves of their greatness and what is truly possible for them.

After watching the video, think about people who have been Charlottes to you and the difference it made to you during those times you didn’t believe in yourself.

And then think about those people in your life right now, to whom YOU can be a Charlotte…and how you might do that:

Notice how you feel after watching the video.

This is one of the ways that storytelling, whether spoken or through visual communication is so powerful.

Because they impact at a visceral level, they can shift you to a very different emotional state. In that new emotional state, you find yourself thinking things and seeing things that you would not have in your neutral or negative emotional state.

So…be on the lookout for videos, including clips from movie scenes, that move you and ask yourself:

1. What about this is moving?

2. What big theme or themes does this embody?

3. In what contexts is this relevant and important?

4. How can I use this to spark deep reflection and conversation?

Also…if you have videos and movie scenes that you really like and wonder about how to use them or…you have some that you already use, please share with the rest of us.

P.S. Another technical note. If you go back to the beginning of the post, I mentioned how after we watched the video, we talked about how they could “Be a Charlotte” for each other. This is an example of using a video story to make a concept more “Sticky”, in the words of Made to Stick authors Chip and Dan Heath. I could have just thrown out the question “How can you be more supportive of each other and help each see the best in themselves?” and at the end, ask them to keep doing that.

But…by showing the video and using the question “How can I be the Charlotte to others?” it makes it far more meaningful and sticky.

Jan 22, 2013 | 0 comments View Post

Another Customer Service Story: Berto and the Amazing Customer Experience

In a previous post, I gave an example of using a customer service story to provide both “inspiration and simulation” with a customer service or sales team.

Here’s another one.

First, a quick review: These types of stories, when shared with customer service teams, provide inspiration to “raise the bar” in the service they provide. They help people think bigger—and better—about what constitutes great service.

They also provide “simulation” because they give the listener ideas on how they might act. These types of stories act as idea-generating catalysts for a team to come up with their own version of what the “hero” in the story did.

Here’s the story:

A friend of mine, Fran Liataud, told me about Berto, a salesman at Prime Auto in Saco, Maine. She knows I love great stories, and especially stories about great customer service, and couldn’t wait to share hers.

More specifically, it was about the service he provided her teenage daughter during her first car buying experience. She talked about how mindful he was of making her first car buying experience a wonderful one, and how kind and thoughtful he was.

He even turned his car around while driving home from a long day at work, when Fran’s daughter called saying she would like to come in to pick up her car. He knew that would be something she would always remember and he wanted it to be perfect, and wanted to celebrate it with her and her family.

So…since I’m always interested in cool stories and love to collect stories about great customer service, I contacted Berto and asked if he would be willing to be interviewed.

During the interview, after asking him questions about his philosophy related to dealing with people and selling, I asked him to share some stories with me.

Here’s one he shared:

Berto had just emerged from a meeting when his extension rang. The voice on the other end said “Hi, I’m looking for a Berto Arrar.”

“Oh…Berto Aroyo, that’s me, sir. How can I help you?” he responded.

The man said he was calling from West Palm Beach, Florida. He wanted to buy a car for his daughter, and had found Berto’s “all over the Internet.”

“I asked him if he realized I was in Maine and he said he did know that. He said his daughter would be going to college in Maine that fall and he wanted to get a car for her. He said he wasn’t sure whether he should get a car in Florida and have it shipped to Maine, or get one in Maine.”

Because of Berto’s reputation, he sought him out for advice.

The man said he wanted to purchase a Toyota Corolla and they discussed the various options.

When Berto returned with a price, the man attempted to haggle.

In his gentle, sincere voice, Berto assured him “Sir, I’m giving you my best price, not my second best price.” He reminded the gentleman about the many testimonials he had read on DealerRater.com about how Berto takes care of his customers.

“Good point,” said the man. “What do we do next to get this started?”

Later, when the gentleman’s wife and daughter flew up to Maine, Berto met them at the airport, drove them to their hotel, got them a bite to eat, and then drove them to the dealership.

There waiting for them was the young woman’s new Toyota Corolla, festooned with balloons.

Days later, Berto received a call from the man, who began the call with “What did you do with my family?”

Somewhat taken aback, Berto asked: “I beg your pardon, sir?”

The man went on to explain that his wife had not stopped talking about the unbelievable treatment they had received, and how much she and her daughter loved Berto.

Reflection Time

Please reflect on this story, both as an example of being on the lookout for stories that you can use as teaching stories, and–if you’re involved in sales or customer service–how to collect and use these stories to raise the customer service bar in your company.

If you want suggestions about how to use these kinds of stories to stimulate discussion in your cusotmer service or sales team, check out the heading “So How Can You Use This Story and This Type of Story?” in the previous previous blog post.

If you’ve got a cool customer service story you’d like to share, feel free to below.

Oct 24, 2012 | 0 comments View Post

“You are a Goddess” – Customer service that wows

Susanne Falter-Barnes shared a really cool customer service story at an event awhile back that provides a great example of:

1. How stories provide both inspiration and simulation (as Chip and Dan Heath of Made to Stick fame note).– i.e. they inspire people and they act like metaphorical flight simulators. Just as pilots can practice difficult maneuvers and learn skills in a simulated environment, we can learn new ways of acting by hearing stories of others acting in those new and different ways.

2. How a story can be really short…and really powerful–you don’t have to tell a long, drawn out tale or complex parable to make a powerful point.

So, here’s her story…

Suzanne ordered a piece of clothing from one of her favorite clothiers, Isis. I think it was a jacket.

In the pocket, she found a little square slip of paper, you know those kind of slips you occasionally find that say “Inspected by #34”.

Instead of that rather impersonal message, theirs said:

“You are a Goddess”.

Now, think of how that surprises and delights the customer. Also, though, think of how emotionally satisfying that is for the inspectors to know that their simple, novel act will bring surprise and delight to others.

So How Can You Use This Story and This Type of Story?

First, think of what this customer service story illustrates. It illustrates how adding a personal touch, especially one with a whimsical flavor, can charm and delight your customers. It can create a unique and delightful customer experience–one that leads them to tell others about you.

So…you can use this story as a innovation catalyst for yourself if you’re a solopreneur, or with your marketing and cusotmer service teams.

You can start off a brainstorming session with this simple story and then ask the group to share examples of how they were surprised and delighted by something a business did either before, during, or after the sale or…as part of the customer service experience.

Then, use the examples and inspiration to come up with new ways your business can surprise and delight your customers.

You can also use this story as a catalyst for exploring how to link your “behind the scenes” employees with your customers. This is a powerful way of fostering employee engagement and discretionary effort. Research by Adam Grant of theWharton School of Business shows that the more employees understand that the work they do makes a difference in the lives of their customers, the harder they work and the more productive they are. So this is another use for this kind of story.

So…Let’s Put This to Use

Please don’t stop at “That was a neat story”. Use it to start the above conversations if you are involved in customer service. Use it as an example of how to take a simple experience either you or someone else has, and turn it into a teaching story that provides both inspiration and simulation.

Oct 24, 2012 | 0 comments View Post

“What are you continuing to do, that’s not working?”

I had an interesting experience recently listening to a friend share an “Ah ha” experience.

It was interesting because it was a great example of how telling a story—especially a self-deprecating story—can be a disarming way to communicate a hard-to-hear message.

When you tell a self-deprecating story about yourself learning a hard lesson or a story about confronting yourself, the other person can hear the take-away-message much more easily than if you said: “You know, you need to…”

The Message Gets Lost Because of How It Was Delivered

Think of how you react when people “get all in your face” about something, when they tell you their point of view or give unsolicited advice in a bossy, know-it-all way.

Even if their observation or feedback is valid, because you felt attacked, you defended.

Often when this happens, we dismiss the message because we didn’t like how it was delivered.

Because their tone and/or words seemed either too judgmental, too one-up, or presumptuous –“Who do they think they are lecturing me on this!?”—we focus on the delivery and ignore the wisdom of the message.

We can avoid that mistake when we’re the ones delivering a hard-to-hear message by sharing self-deprecating stories. They communicate both mutuality—“I don’t think of myself as better”—and vulnerability, often in an amusing, engaging ways.

They personify the old Firesign Theatre saying “We’re all Bozos on this bus.”

Here’s the Story

My friend called me to say he had an epiphany.

He said he found himself doing something that he often counsels his clients to do, but hadn’t been doing himself.

He asked himself: “What are you STILL doing…even though it’s not working?”

He then shared ruefully “I figured if I’m telling my clients to ask themselves that, I better be drinking my own Kool Aid.”

As he shared this, I found myself thinking “Hmmm. What are YOU, David, still doing right now…even though it isn’t working?”

Notice what happened.

He Was Confronting HIMSELF, But What Did I Do?

He didn’t tell me to examine what I was still doing that wasn’t working. He just shared how he asked that himself.

However, it’s human nature to connect what others say to our own experience.

Think about what happens with you when someone tells you about something that they’re dealing with or something that happened to them. Many times, you automatically think about our own version of their experience.

When You Talk about Something, THEY Start Thinking About THAT Something

Even when someone doesn’t make the connection consciously, they are probably making the connection unconsciously.

Dr. Milton Erickson, the legendary hypnotherapist whose method of therapeutic storytelling I studied for years, used to say something like “If you want your patient to think about and talk about their childhood…tell them something about yours.”

So…if you want your coaching client to do some soul-searching or self-examination, you can share an example of how you did that.

“So I said to him…” Stories Deliver a Strong Message in a Gentle Way

Also, my friend’s story is a version of what I call “So I said to him…” stories. This is essentially what students of Dr. Erickson called “My friend Joe” stories and “talking in quotes.” Dr. Erickson would tell stories of what he said to other people as a way to deliver a message the patient wasn’t ready to hear directly.

Here’s an example of what such a story might sound like:

“I was getting really concerned about how much effort she was putting into convincing herself that she couldn’t take that next step…and NO effort into exploring what she might be able to do to take that next step….

… so I said to her ‘What would happen if you stopped telling yourself you can’t do it…if you STOP RIGHT NOW…and instead, explored with me about what small steps you CAN TAKE RIGHT NOW… steps that would steer you in the direction of what you want in your life…are you willing to do that?’ She took a deep breath and said ‘OK’ and she started to throw out possible next steps. Where only minutes before, she saw no options, suddenly she was seeing things she could do….”*

Now you could directly challenge someone with that message: “What would happen if you stopped telling yourself you can’t do it…if you…”

Some people would be willing to hear it and take it in.

Others might politely go along with you, but their heart wouldn’t be in the exploring, because they felt too challenged and too in need of defending their inability to move forward.

Others would simply shut down and tune you out.

It’s Just a Story…

But…because you’re telling it in a story, there’s nothing for them to defend against, and because of that, they can take in the message.

Back to my friend’s story. It was a “cousin” of the “So I said to him…” story genre, because it was actually what he said to himself.

By the way, notice that because I am now telling YOU the story that he told ME, it’s now technically a “So my friend said to himself…” story.

So, What Does This All Mean to You?

Four things to reflect on about this simple, very short story.

Often a challenging message that might trigger defensiveness is best delivered in a “So I said to him…” or “So I said to myself…” story.
Notice how the above story is a great example of how you can use a very simple and very brief story to deliver a powerful message.
When you’re the fallible person in the story, rather than the all-knowing wise one who is teaching someone else (as some personal development guru stories are), your modeling fallibility and authenticity makes it easier for the listener to acknowledge theirs.
Reflect on the message in my friend’s story. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to share that particular story with you. BTW… I’m still reflecting on, and working with it…

*Any guesses why I used that example? If you do, please post in comments section.

Also…if you want to become an even better storyteller, check out Storytelling for Leaders which is on sale until Sept 30th.

Sep 19, 2012 | 0 comments View Post