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A Reframe Story About Compassion

Reframe Stories

Reframe Stories are a version of Perspective Change stories. By sharing an example of how a situation you saw in one way could be looked at in a totally different way–i.e. the story reframes the problem or issue–you stimulate the other person to do the same.

Before The Story…Think About  This…

Before I tell you this story, I’d like to ask you to think of someone you have strong judgment towards…especially someone who you perceive as mean or antagonistic. Notice what you tell yourself about them and the judgments you have.

 

“What a cold, hard person!”

OK…now…here’s the story….

While cross country skiing on a snowmobile trail, I was passed by two snowmobiles roaring by. A little distance farther, I came upon the same two men. One sat on his snowmobiles, while the other stood. The one standing was facing in my direction as he talked. The one on the snowmobile facing away from me. As I got closer, I looked at the one facing me, attempting to make eye contact and say “Hi”.

He acted like I wasn’t there. Besides his lack of friendliness—not an uncommon phenomenon in New England—I was struck by the cold, hard set to his face. It was almost menacing.

A Whole New Way of Looking at Him

The following summer, I was walking in the grocery store with my friend Dr. Bonnie Vestal, a medical counselor from Boise, and spotted this man.

“Hey, you see that guy there,” I whispered, “What’s your take on him?” I asked.

She’s one of those people whose impressions and perspectives I frequently seek out, both because of her wisdom and her ability to “see into” others and pick up on their essence, despite the persona they project to the world.

“He looks like someone who was hit in the face as a child,” she said, in a soft, compassionate voice.

Suddenly my judgment toward this man and primal discomfort shifted to one of compassion. Instead of this cold, hard, mean-looking guy, I could see a hurt child who had spent his life trying to protect himself from being hurt.

That’s the power of a reframe.

Back to YOUR person…

As you think of them, see if you can see who they were as a child or, if it’s easier, see if you can imagine what their private life is like—both their internal world and their life outside of their public interactions of work, church, or wherever you encounter them.

How does this perspective help you see them in a new light?

_________

Storytelling Note

The “Before the story, think about this.” section of the story is a direct way to stimulate the reader or listener of your story to think about their own example of the experience you are about to describe. It’s what I call “Linking Phrases” because it helps them link past and future experiences with the particular perspective or emotion that your story is designed to evoke. This increases the odds that your story will help them in the situations (or memories) that they most need to be helped.

Also, because you ask them to think about their own example of the challenging situation, it increases their interest level in your story. As they recall their own version of the problem or challenge, it activates their desire to learn how to deal with it more effectively.

You might notice in my videos, or if you’ve seen me live, that I will sometimes stop in the middle of a story and say something like “Maybe you can think of your own experience where you…” Those are examples of using Linking Phrases to increase the person’s connection–both consciously and unconsciously–with the story. I believe it’s especially helpful for the  more concrete people in the audience who might be thinking “Why’s he telling me this story about himself?”

By asking them to think of their own exmaples, it helps them focus on what they care about: their own problems, challenges, and life.

 

Wrap Your Message in Bacon: Discover How In August Webinar

How to Use Storytelling to Deliver a Potentially Hard-To-Swallow Message in an Easy-To-Digest Way

Vinnie the Shelter Dog…Now In A Happy Home

If you know anything about dogs and medicine, you know that one way to make unpleasant tasting medicine more palatable to your dog is to wrap it in bacon.

Storytelling allows you to do the same with people.

Stories allow you to communicate a message that, if delivered “straight”, would trigger defensiveness or resistance (e.g. “Oh…there’s no way I could do that”).

When you tell stories about yourself or other people, you are not directly confronting a person’s beliefs, perspectives, or behaviors. You’re talking about the people in the story.

Therefore,  there’s nothing  for them to defend against.

 

Because you’re “just telling a story,” they can listen with an open mind, and take in your message without the rationalizations and other intellectual defenses they might use if you confronted them directly about the issue.

When I was a therapist years ago, I practiced Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, which relies heavily on therapeutic storytelling. I remember Dr. Erickson’s approach being described as “a therapy of politeness” because of its indirectness and non-confrontational approach. Rather than challenge people directly like other therapists did–and triggering defensiveness as other therapist would–Dr. Erickson would often tell patients story after story that would help them, in a charming and captivating way, look at their situation in a new way.

It’s sort of like if you’ve been dealing with some challenge and you happen to hear someone share about how they dealt with a similar situation.

First…you’re all ears because what they’re talking about has relevance to you.

Second…you listen with an open mind, because no one’s trying to change your mind or make you wrong. There’s no need to say or think “You don’t understand” or “Who are you to say that to me!”

You’re just listening to that person tell their story. So you can take in their message.

That’s what I mean by storytelling can help you wrap YOUR message in bacon, so the person welcomes it…rather than spits it out…metaphorically speaking.

How do you do that?

I’ll show and tell you how in the free webinar I’ll be giving on August 28th.

If you can’t make it, no worries. I’ll have it recorded.

In the meantime, here are two quick and easy tips to get you started.

 1. Think about a common limiting perspective or belief  people you coach or counsel frequently have. For instance, let’s take the limiting belief:  “If you admit you don’t know–especially to people who you supervise–it makes you look dumb, so you need to always talk and act like you have the answer” or “Other people can do X…but I can’t.”

2. Think about experiences where you or someone else:

  • Had the same perspective or belief and discovered it was false.
  • Had the same perspective or belief in a different context than the person you’re coaching is applying it, and discovered it wasn’t true.
  • Had some other limiting perspective or belief that you (or the person in the story) felt was self-evident, and then had an experience where…surprise…it’s not accurate!

 

Now…here’s the scoop on the webinar:

Brand New Webinar Builds on the One You Attended Previously

First…If you attended the “Add Powerful Storytelling Techniques to Your Training” but never received my follow-up emails with the resources you requested, go first to the main page of this site www.StoriesThatChange.com and you will find them there. Also, check out some of the other posts, because you’ll find videos and more scoop that you should find useful.

Second…if you’re thinking “Well, no I didn’t attend any previous webinar”…no worries. After you sign up for this one, you’ll be transfered to a page that has information on how to watch that one.

 

Storytelling- Part II

August 28th, 2PM-3PM EST

 

Two Areas Where Storytelling Shines Most Brightly–i.e. Adds HUGE Power to Your Ability to Catalyze Change

 

  1. How to challenge someone’s limiting beliefs, perspectives, or attitude w/o triggering defensiveness or resistance.

  2. How to shift someone from a disempowered “There’s no way I can do that!” state to an empowered “I CAN do this!” state where they are willing to try.

 

These two areas are among the most powerful applications of storytelling and why you would use storytelling. Here are some common situations you would want to have these abilities:

1. Someone is not open to a new way of looking at their problem and any attempt to get them to do so only triggers “You don’t  understand” or other defensive or dismissive responses.

2. Someone just “knows” they’re right and your job is to help them see that…well, no…they aren’t right. But you know if you try to challenge them directly, they will only hunker down and clench onto their “rightness” even more tightly.

3. You have a pretty hard message to communicate to someone and you know that anyone who heard this “no holds barred” message would get defensive or maybe even offended. But…you need to get them to think about this. Here’s another place where telling a story can deliver the message “wrapped in bacon’ (like you do when you give dogs medicine that tastes bad).

4. You’re coaching someone about how to do something that is anxiety-producing for them–such as confront someone, speak at an event, or take more of a leadership position–and they don’t believe they can. Not only do they believe they can’t…they are stuck in an “unresourceful” emotional state. While in this afraid or hopeless state, there’s no way they’ll be able to generate useful solutions about how to best deal with their challenge. Thus, before you can even engage them in exploring options, you must help them shift from a “Can’t do” to a “Can do” emotional and mental state. This is another area where storytelling shines.

To register for this webinar, go to:

 

https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/404447642

 

As with other webinars, if you can’t make it live, you can access the recording.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at: david@humannatureatwork.com  or better still…post them below.

 

 

Starting Off With a Story – Part II

In Part I of “Starting Off With a Story”, you saw a video of me using storytelling to start off a presentation, and asking the audience of trainers and OD professionals “So…why did I start off with this story?”

Now…hopefully you have some observations in terms of what was said, how it was said, and why it was said.

In this video, you’ll hear both what the audience noticed and some of the key points I wanted them (and now you) to remember.

 

If you have comments or questions, please ask away!

And…if you picked up on another reason why I used that story that the audience didn’t identify, and post your revelation… I’ll send you an MP3 recording of the whole presentation, plus the slides.

Also…come back soon as I will be continually adding more stories, more “how to” info, etc.

Also…if you haven’t seen the Add Powerful Storytelling to Your Training webinar recording, click here

BTW…if  you have a cool story you want to share, you can put it in the comments or email me david@humannatureatwork.com about doing a guest post.

 

To Receive the “Add Powerful Storytelling Techniques to your Training” ASTD webinar link

Add Powerful Storytelling Techniques to Your Training

 with David Lee

Webinar Recording

 

Webinar Description

Sign Up Link 

 Expert facilitator and “story catcher” David Lee of HumanNatureAtWork.com, and author of the May 2012 Infoline “Powerful Storytelling Techniques” shows attendees how to

 •Make your presentations more fascinating, compelling, and memorable.

•Challenge people without coming across as confrontational.

•Open people’s minds to new possibilities in ways that direct approaches can’t.

•Make your ideas and recommendations more understandable, compelling, and memorable, increasing your ability to influence others.

•Make new concepts and complex ideas understandable to the novice.

 Click here to sign up for the webinar recording link

 

 

About the Speaker: David Lee is the founder of HumanNature@Work http://www.humannatureatwork.com/. He works with management teams interested in improving employee engagement, customer service, and innovation.

An internationally recognized thought leader in the field of employee engagement and performance, he is the author of nearly 100 articles and book chapters that have been published in trade journals and books in the US, Europe, India, Australia, and China.

David has been using and teaching storytelling for over 20 years. Before focusing his work on leadership and employee engagement, he practiced and taught hypnosis and therapeutic storytelling in the field of mind/body medicine both domestically and abroad. His work was featured in the clinical book Tales of Enchantment: Goal-Oriented Metaphors for Adults and Children in Therapy.

He is also the author of the May 2012 Infoline Add Powerful Storytelling Techniques to Your Training

 

Here’s What Webinar Attendees Said:

 

The webinar ‘Add Powerful Storytelling Techniques to your Training’ was an eye-opening experience. I learned that to truly get the ‘sticky’ results from the stories I am currently using in some of the training I provide will require some an additional investment in my personal development. The investment return on my time today will pay-off immediately as I re-tool a few standby stories I plan to use next week. David made me realize I have work to do and more to learn. I highly recommend spending a few minutes listening to David. I’ll guarantee you a couple of ‘aha’ moments that will improve your impact your performance as a powerful storyteller and agent of change. Thank you David – Lead On! – Scott Humphries, Luxiotta, Knoxville, TN

 

I have attended several webinars over the last 15 years of working in Training and Development and none have left me more excited than David Lee’s Storytelling webinar. I found the Storytelling webinar to be extremely well done and it far exceeded my expectations. I was literally moments away from not joining the event, but decided, if it seemed like a waste of time, I would simply exit out. From the moment Mr. Lee opened with his story and “quiz” I was hooked. “The webinar was thought-provoking and motivational. In that one short hour, I was provided with practical tools, techniques and resources that I can immediately implement in my organization. David Lee is knowledgeable, well-organized and generous with his information. I left the webinar inspired by what I learned and nothing can top that!– Lovie Verser, Viverae, Dallas, TX

 

David Lee’s presentation “Powerful Storytelling” was an inspiration not only for me as a trainer to develop my stories but also for me to help my organization with storytelling techniques for all aspects of employee engagement and leading teams. He shared concrete techniques and gave examples to bring the content to life.Thank-you David for sharing your passion and experience on the topic of Storytelling! – Amy Brannan, Oregon Community Credit Union, Eugene, OR

 

Excellent presentation!!! You had over 600 people riveted for nearly the entire hour. I had fun and learned A LOT! – Juana Lorens, Communities of Practice Manager, ASTD, Alexandria, VA

 

 

 

 

Resources for the ASTD webinar

(This is Just The Beginning…There’s Much More Coming)

Hi,

So far…you have access to:

1. Two videos

2. A 3-part blog series on storytelling

3. A Link to the Infoline on storytelling

4. A download link to the audio recording of the webinar so you can relisten and review

5. A download link to the slides of the webinar.

6. The slides in PDF form

There will be a LOT more coming shortly…

Also…please leave your comments and questions at the bottom of the page.

Best regards,

David Lee

 

Here’s an Example of Using a Story To Start Off a Presentation To Connect Audience With “WII-FM” and…Using a Story to Start Off an Exercise To Get Audience Involved

Here’s a Perspective Change Story That Helps People Tune Their Brain to Notice Opportunities in Crises

Here’s a Three Part Blog Post That Includes How to Cultivate Your Analogy Creating Ability and the Fundamental Principles of “Sticky Messages”

 

The link to The Mysterious Power of Storytelling will bring you to the third installment, which has links to the first two.

 

The InfoLine: Powerful Storytelling Techniques

Here’s the link

Audio Recording of the Webinar

Here’s the download link

The Slides

Download ASTD storytelling Webinar Slides