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How to Use a Story to Shift Someone From Hopeless to Hopeful; From Disempowered to “I can do this!”

Sport and life achievements and success concept. Rear view sporty girl raising arms towards beautiful glowing sunshine.

You’ve probably tried to coach someone who was stuck in a “There’s nothing I can do about it” frame of mind and no how difficult it is for a person in that state to hear your helpful suggestions or see opportunities to change.

This is where a story well told can be incredibly useful.

The right story can help someone shift their emotional state from one of feeling fearful or hopeless to curious and hopeful.

Because our state profoundly affects our performance knowing HOW to help someone shift into a more empowered, “I can do this” state is a hugely important skill to have.

Here’s an example of using a story to do that…

After I had finished a program at an organization, a young supervisor pulled me aside to ask for my advice.

She told me how she had inherited a team that included a very toxic long-term employee who had been allowed to treat people abusively. The new supervisor had tried once to address this and it had–surprise, surprise–no effect.

She said she knew she should have another conversation, but was dreading it.

She said she knew this person should be fired and that it will probably come down to this, and found the idea of having that conversation scary.

As she told me this, her whole posture communicated defeat and hopelessness. Her face looked anxious and beleaguered.

She Wants an Answer, But Isn’t Ready to Hear It

In my early years as a consultant I would have immediately answered her question about what she would do.

Now, I know that my first job was to help her shift her state because not only does our emotional state affect our performance, it profoundly affects our perspective. Just think of how differently you see challenges when you are tired or don’t feel well compared to when you are rested and feel well. When you feel poorly, they seem big and overwhelming. When you’re rested and feel well, they seem manageable.

So back to my young supervisor…

Let’s Shift That State First

So how can I shift her to an empowered, more hopeful state?

I shared one of my favorite stories told to me by my friend Fran, who’s a great coach and storyteller.

It was about a woman she inherited on her team who was extremely toxic. In fact, the owners of the company told her when she was hired that they wanted her to fire this lady (despite no one having the courage to do it in the past).

Fran had a couple of conversations with the woman when she acted out, trying to give her a chance, but to no avail.

It’s Time to Free Up Her Future

Fran called Mary into a conference room and, in her classic deeply caring, accepting, and curious way, said to Mary: “You don’t seem happy here Mary…” and then shared a couple of examples of Mary’s toxic behavior.

At first, Mary got defensive, but then admitted she hadn’t been happy for years.

They talked more, and Fran started talking about how Mary will be so much happier with work that fits her better.

You’re Fired!

At one point, Mary stopped and stared.

“You’re firing me!” she exclaimed.

“Yes!” said Fran, again in her caring and enthusiastic way.

“Wow! I never knew getting fired could be so fun!” Mary chortled.

They laughed together and then Fran said “You know…here’s what I think is going to happen, Mary. In six months you’ll be calling me telling me that you found the perfect job for you, and you’re going to be so much happier…that’s what I see…”

Thanks for Firing Me!

Sure enough, about six months goes by and Mary calls Fran. She says that she is now in school studying to be something she always wanted to be (I can’t remember what) and is having the time of her life. She thanked Fran for firing her.

From “I would rather have a root canal than talk to her” to “I can do this!”

It still warms my heart to picture this young lady’s shift when she heard the story. She burst out laughing when I told her the “Wow! I never knew firing could be so fun!” and looked hopeful and encouraged when she heard about the call.

NOW…We can Discuss The How

Now that she was in this shifted, empowered state, she could be receptive to whatever advice I had to share. If we hadn’t done this step first, she would have silently dismissed my suggestions, believing that they wouldn’t work in her circumstance with this lady.

I bet you can think of examples of when that’s happened in your life. Someone asks you for advice and you share with them what you believe to be helpful–and maybe even obvious–advice and practical “how to” suggestions, and they either say “Yeah but…” or you can tell by their expression that they are dismissing what you say as impossible.

That’s why you want to help them shift their state first.

One way to do that–in fact, one of my favorites–is what I call “If I could handle that, I can handle this!” stories.

This particular story is what I call a Perspective Shift Story.

These stories start out matching the client’s belief system or perspective on the problem…in this case “It will of course be horrible to have a disciplinary or termination conversation.” When you tell them well, you draw the listener by matching their perspective. They resonate fully with the dilemma and the “obvious” perspective.

Then…you have a surprise ending that offers a totally different perspective, and BAM!

What seemed obvious to the person is now called into question.

From Certainty to Doubt…The Key to A New, More Empowered Perspective

Not only does this shift their state, which was the goal in this situation, but it also introduces doubt where before there was only certainty attached to their limiting, disempowering perspective. This is a topic all of its own and is explored in this post.

For This Purpose, The Main Goal of the Perspective Shift Story Was State Shift

In this case, I loved this story because it didn’t just create a new perspective that challenged her assumption, it did so in a fun, funny, enlivening way, which shifted her to a more empowered state.

That broke the negative “spell” she was under and allowed us to get to work on The How.

So…What To Do With This?

1. Think about  experiences you have had, or have heard about, that are amusing, surprising, empowering, and/or inspiring.–These are all potentially useful stories you can use to help someone shift their state. Notice what emotion they stir up in you and ask “in what situations could I use this to elicit the same emotion in a client or audience?”

2. Keep a simple story database so you can draw on them later–Doing this will be a game-changer. It has been for me. I can guarantee that you will forget most of the great, potentially useful, stories you could tell if you don’t keep them in a database. I use a simple two column Word doc, with each row of the table for one story. In the left column, I put some searchable key words and phrases like “self-awareness”, “stories we tell ourselves”, “self-talk” and then in the right hand column, I put enough detail in so I can look at it months later and remember the story in enough detail to tell it.

 

Advanced Transformational Storytelling

A Workshop for Counselors, Coaches, and Change Agents

with David Lee

September 21st |  8:30-3:30 | Westbrook, Maine

 

 

Sep 12, 2018 | 0 comments View Post

Perspective Change Stories–A Gentle, Yet Powerful Way, to Challenge Limiting Perspectives

 

Adapted from Powerful Storytelling Techniques for Training by David Lee

 

Perspective Change Stories are one of my favorite among the transformational storytelling genre.

They are classic examples of what makes storytelling so powerful—yet gentle.

Rather than challenge a client’s limiting or counterproductive perspective and trigger resistance, you can use a Perspective Change Story that takes them on a journey which organically results in a perspective shift (for the protagonist in the story)

When people hold tightly to their position or belief, direct attempts at challenging them typically result in defensiveness and resistance. Telling a Perspective Change Story bypasses these responses because as mentioned previously, you are “just telling a story”, so there is nothing to defend against or resist.

 

Here’s an Example

Here’s a Perspective Shift Story I’ve used over the years to illustrate the practice of cultivating  “Instant Perspective” and to make the idea more memorable. Now…if I had told this in a coaching setting, I would have told it somewhat differently and for different reasons.

 

When To Use Perspective Change Stories

  • When coaching or counseling someone who has an entrenched view of another person and you want them to consider an alternative view.
  • When coaching or counseling someone who has an entrenched perspective about an issue or problem they’re facing, and can’t see any alternative perspectives.
  • When teaching a group where you either suspect or know a number of participants hold onto a limiting perspective about a relevant issue and you want to stimulate them to see other, more useful ways of looking at the issue.
  • In any situation where you believe a direct approach to offering a different perspective would be met with resistance or defensiveness.

Types of Perspective Change Stories

 

Brand New Perspective Stories

In this type of Perspective Change story, you share how you or another person had a particular perspective about something and then something happened to change it.

Opening a Closed Mind Stories: Moving From Certainty to Uncertainty

While New Perspective stories are designed to stimulate the listener to consider the new perspective described in the story, Opening a Closed Mind stories are designed simply to stimulate the listener to take the first step in considering a new perspective: being willing to consider there might be an alternative perspective.If someone adamantly states their position is right and even self-evident, they are fairly impervious to feedback and alternative perspectives.

The first step towards their being open to feedback or entertaining a different perspective is going from certainty—“Of course I’m right”–to uncertainty—“I wonder if I could be wrong about this.”When uncertain or confused, we are far more open to feedback and input. That’s the rationale behind telling someone a story about how someone discovered that an idea or perspective they thought was self-evident was actually incorrect.

Such stories can help the listener shift from certainty to uncertainty, which opens the door to their considering alternative perspectives.For a well known example of a Perspective Change Story, do an internet search for Valerie Cox’s The Cookie Thief.

That short story in poem format does a great job of dramatizing a self-righteous perspective and by doing so, connecting the reader with their own version of such a judgment. Then, in a surprise ending, the story presents a totally different perspective on the person the protagonist was  judging.

The following themes provide great potential for shifting people from certainty to uncertainty:

  • Stories where you “knew” you were right about something, and then you discovered you were wrong.
  • Stories where you engaged in the cognitive error “mind reading” and assumed you knew another person’s intention, only to discover you were wrong.
  • Stories where you firmly believed a problem was all someone else’s fault, and then discovered later you had a significant role.

Tips on Telling Perspective Change Stories Effectively

  1. When you describe the perspective that you had in the beginning of the story, you want to describe it in such a way that resonates with the “of course this is the way it is” perspective you are trying to challenge. So for instance you might say “So I’m thinking ‘how selfish can one person be?’ You know the type of person who seems to only think of themselves and not consider how their actions are going to affect other people?”
  2. Make sure you do not telegraph through word choice or voice tone that the protagonist’s initial perspective is going to turn out incorrect. That’s why you want to use words and voice tone that communicate certainty that this perspective is the correct one. So, for instance, in the example just given, as you were saying “So I’m thinking ‘how selfish can one person be?’ You know the type….” You would say it with a voice dripping with self-righteousness and certainty in one’s judgment of the other person.
  3. Whenever possible, use stories where YOU had a perspective shift, especially situations where you just “knew” something was a certain way and discovered that it actually wasn’t. I like doing this partly because it helps reduce the power differential between you and the client. You’re communicating “I’m just a fellow human on a journey” vs. “I think of myself as a guru and I’m here to help little, unevolved, troubled you.” It also models mature self-awareness and humble acceptance of human imperfection. At the risk of stating the obvious, you want to choose situations that don’t reveal TMI or could send a counterproductive message.

 

To learn how to use this and other transformational storytelling genres in your work, check out:

Advanced Transformational Storytelling seminar on September 21st  in Westbrook, Maine

 

Aug 23, 2018 | 0 comments View Post

Using a Story to Capture the Importance of Listening to “That Still Small Voice”

Here’s a funny and charming example of how to use a story to make your point him home in a more powerful way and live on in the listener (i.e. how to make it “sticky” a la Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath).

In this excerpt from a wonderful talk by Gregg Levoy, author of Callings, among other books, he ends off his talk with a story that brings alive the concept of what our soul wants for us–and is NOT concerned with.

If you are exploring, or perhaps wrestling with, what you are called to do, or if you are feeling stuck and unfulfilled in your career, you will find this story deeply meaningful.

If you help others in their career search or help people explore how to create a life that is more soul-satisfying, I highly recommend you share  this video with them.

To become a more powerful storyteller in your one-on-one work and group work, check out Advanced Transformational Storytelling which will be held on Sept 14th in Westbrook, Maine.

 

 

Jul 26, 2018 | 0 comments View Post

Advanced Transformational Storytelling

A Workshop for Counselors, Coaches, and Change Agents

with David Lee

September 21st |  8:30-3:30 | Westbrook, Maine

 

Click to download printer-friendly PDF

What is Transformational Storytelling?

Transformational storytelling is different from “basic” storytelling in that it brings far greater precision and power to storytelling. While many counselors and coaches use stories to illustrate important points, transformational storytelling brings a whole new level of precision and clarity to finding, creating, and using stories and analogies that address specific problems and issues.

By understanding the structure of the different transformational story genres, helper, healers, and change agents can generate stories that can bypass the filters and limiting beliefs of the conscious mind, and  impact at a deep, unconscious level.

It is based on the work of Dr. Milton Erickson.

Dr. Erickson is often considered as the originator and master of hypnotic storytelling. His ability to both use therapeutic metaphors and hypnosis to catalyze healing was legendary, and was the subject of many books. For an example of his work, check out this article.

And Why Am I Teaching This?

Transformational Storytelling is based on my training  in hypnotic storytelling that started 30 years ago. I studied with several of Dr. Milton Erickson’s most prominent students–Stephen and Carol Lankton, Bill O’Hanlon, and Dr. Jeffrey Zeig.

Since then, I’ve applied this modality to counseling (in a previous career), coaching, and teaching. I’ve taught workshops and presented at conferences on this topic throughout the US and have one of my therapeutic stories  included in the book Tales of Enchangement: Goal-Oriented Metaphors for Adults and Children in Therapy

When I learned how to use therapeutic storytelling in my work, everything changed.  Not only did it help me facilitate change when traditional “talk therapy” was not able to, it helped invite people to look at their world in a new way far more effectively than did more  direct approaches.

When I left the counseling field and moved into the corporate world of consulting and coaching, I found stories to be extremely useful in making one’s ideas more interesting and impactful.

I also LOVE storytelling because it enables each person to use their innate creativity and artistry.

One of the coolest things for me is to have people tell me how they never realized they could tell great stories with a purpose until we met. BTW…”with a purpose” is a key here.

Being an effective transformational storyteller isn’t about holding forth or being a raconteur. It’s about knowing how to capture everyday life experiences and turn them into stories that can make a point him home, challenge a limiting belief, offer a new perspective, and even catalyze deep, unconscious healing.

You can read more about my journey with storytelling in the About section of this website.

 

 

Why Is Transformational Storytelling Such an Important Tool for Counselors, Coaches, and Change Agents to Have?

Stories enable you to…

  1. Challenge people without coming across as confrontational – Stories help you challenge people’s limiting beliefs, perceptions, and attitudes without triggering defensiveness and resistance, because you’re not challenging them. You’re simply telling a story. Thus, telling a story can often reach a person for whom direct approaches have only triggered defensiveness and resistance. Thus, storytelling is an especially powerful way of helping people who are defensive about a particular issue (or defensive in general).
  2. Open people’s minds to new possibilities in ways that direct approaches can’t – Because stories well told act like virtual reality, they provide people a non-threatening environment to vicariously experience new ways of acting and responding. Rather than dismissing a direct recommendation, the listener can listen to this new way of acting without defending their perceived limitation. They don’t need to say “You don’t understand, I can’t do what you’re asking me to do” because it’s “just a story”. That receptive state of mind enables them to entertain new possibilities.
  3. Make your ideas and recommendations more understandable, compelling, and memorable. This increases your ability to influence others—In Made to Stick, Chip and Dan Heath identify storytelling as one of the key components of messages that are “sticky”—i.e. make a strong visceral impact and stay with the listener long after.
  4. Make new concepts and complex ideas understandable to the novice—Simple stories and analogies help you translate foreign concepts into ideas and experiences familiar to the learner. This translation of the foreign into the familiar dramatically accelerates  understanding.
  5. Make your presentations more fascinating, compelling, and memorable—Whether you are leading a small educational group or presenting at a conference, stories grab your audience’s attention, impact them at an emotional level, and make your presentation more entertaining. They also give your message staying power by making it live on in the listener’s mind.(note: the above is excerpted from Storytelling Techniques for Trainers by David Lee)

 

What You Will Learn in This Workshop

  1. When to use storytelling as your preferred communication approach.
  2. How to use “If I could handle THAT, I can handle THIS” stories–These are great for helping shift people from feeling dis-empowered and hopeless–a state that makes it nearly impossible to see potential solutions and opportunities–to feeling strong and hopeful.
  3. How to Use “So I said to him/her…” Stories To Challenge Someone W/O Being Confrontational— These are fun, powerful stories that allow you to deliver a potentially hard-to-hear message or piece of advice in a non-threatening way.
  4. How to Use Perspective Shift Stories When Direct Attempts to Help Someone See Their Situation Differently Are Met Resistance–We’ve all had those frustrating experiences where our attempts to help a client see their situation differently are met with resistance and defensiveness.  In these situations, Perspective Shift Stories shine. hese stories are especially useful when you’ve found that direct approaches only result in your client doubling down on their insistence that there is other way to look at a situation than the one they have.

 

About the Presenter: David Lee is the founder of HumanNature@Work and a career coach at Heart At Work Associates. He has been using and teaching transformational storytelling for 30 years.

He has taught workshops, and presented at conferences, on this topic throughout the US, Canada, and Australia.

His work on therapeutic storytelling was included in the book Tales of Enchangement: Goal-Oriented Metaphors for Adults and Children in Therapy.

If you want to get more of a sense of David’s work, you will find videos and audios from a resource page created for a counseling graduate school class he guest taught at.

 

Date and Time: Sept 21st, 8:30 – 3:30 (lunch on your own from 11:45-1:00)

Location: Husson University,  340 County Rd, Westbrook, Maine

Fee: Early Bird Rate Ends Sept 11th $149, Procrastinator Bird Rate (after the 31st) $199

To Register:


Name(s) of attendee(s)


 

Comments from program participants

“The highlight of the Maine Career Development Association conference this spring was David Lee’s workshop on Resiliency.  I found his ability to captivate and engage the audience, from the moment we walked through the door until the very end, impressive and rare. David’s dynamic, storytelling presentation style both teaches and inspires through his sharing of humorous, relatable stories that speak to the opportunity for personal growth and transformation throughout our lives.” – Kathy Bouchard, Career Advisor, Goodwill Industries, ME

 

“David Lee spoke during a class I took on career development as a graduate student.  From the beginning of his presentation, David had my rapt attention.  He was engaging and attentive as a facilitator and modeled the content about which he spoke, which was on how to use storytelling as a counseling and  presentation tool. I saw David a couple of years later in a different context and immediately remembered him and his workshop – it stuck with me because of its impact on my development as a professional.” – Holly Khiel, Career Advisor, Goodwill Industries, ME

 

“David, thanks again for coming in to talk with my counseling students about the power of storytelling as a counseling modality. One of the things I noticed most about you is your ability to reach all of my students, even those who weren’t interested in the topic prior to your coming. Your presentation demonstrated storytelling as a powerful way to connect with people in a deeply personal way.” – Greg Fall Adjunct Professor, USM, ME

 

“David Lee is a creative storyteller who can translate simple everyday life encounters into engaging stories that impact at a visceral, experiential level.

He also creates archetypal, mythic stories carefully designed to dissolve limiting beliefs and facilitate deep unconscious healing.

I had not heard of storytelling as a therapeutic tool when I first attended a therapeutic storytelling workshop of David’s more than 20 years ago, at a national conference.

His work has had a huge impact on me both personally and professionally. Personally, because I was a demo subject for his workshop, and the story he told played a major role in my willingness to leave a successful practice as an oncologist and embark on a whole new career.

Even though the mythical story he told had nothing to do—at the conscious level—with my particular dilemma, or even modern day life, the deep archetypal themes clearly impacted at the unconscious level. I believe it played an important role in my deciding to make the leap.

At a professional level, his teaching and coaching on storytelling helped me change my belief, created from years as a practicing physician, that I was not capable of the more right-brained process of storytelling.

I have found myself over the years becoming extremely comfortable, and intentional, in my use of storytelling as a way to invite people to see their world in new, more possibility-filled ways.

I highly recommend you experience his unique, imaginative approach to this powerful communication medium.” – Dr. Bonnie Vestal, ID


Name(s) of attendee(s)


Jul 26, 2018 | 0 comments View Post

How to use a Self-Disclosure Story to teach Self-Awareness

PeterBregmanPhotoPeter Bregman is, in my opinion, the best in the business at using self-disclosure as a way to help people feel safe enough to engage in self-reflection.

By sharing his inner world, including his fears, insecurities, and human imperfections, he makes it safe for people to do the same. By sharing his internal world along with his missteps, he invites the reader to vicariously do the same.

This is what makes Self-Disclosure Stories such a gift to others.

By you taking the risk to share your humanity, your vulnerabilities, faux pas, and imperfections, you allow the listener or reader to acknowledge theirs with courage and compassion. You also make it easier for them to recognize and admit to unproductive attitudes and behaviors that are holding them back, things about themselves they would not acknowledge if directly confronted.

Your Self-Disclosure Story does this because it allows them to look inward and feel safe doing so. They can feel safe because they are not being directly confronted by another person to look in the mirror, as would a direct challenge like: “Have you ever noticed how you pretend you know something when you really don’t…like you just did a moment ago?”

For most of us, our natural response to unsolicited feedback and challenging questions is defensiveness.

When someone shares an observation about us that is less than flattering, or challenges us with an interpretation about our motivations or behaviors, we feel attacked.

When people feel forced to look at themselves by another, they feel exposed and flawed. Feeling exposed–and found lacking–triggers shame. When people feel shame, they are no longer open to conversation, let alone self-exploration. All they want to do is hide or fight back to stop the shame.

When you tell a Self-Disclosure Story, others can listen without fear because it is a story about you, not them.

At least on the surface.

It only becomes about them if they choose to allow that to happen. Thus, they don’t feel strong-armed into looking in the mirror.

In this state of safety, they are much more willing and able to look inward and recognize those things that, if addressed, will facilitate their growth.

Here are a few examples of areas you can use a Self-Disclosure Story:

1. How you got triggered by someone else and responded in a less than effective way, and what you learned from that.

2. How you “just knew” something was true, and then discovered it wasn’t.

3. Fears you’ve had.

4. Mistakes you made that your audience is probably making.

5. Natural human responses to situations that you’ve had, that you know your audience is either judging themselves for having, or are engaging in and don’t realize the price they are paying.

6. Ways of acted in a less-than-aware way with others that you believe your audience does and would be well served by reflecting on.

In a future post, we’ll talk about what level of self-disclosure is useful and when do you cross the line into TMI and oversharing.

In the meantime, if you follow this link, you will come across a great example of Peter Bregman’s use of Self-Disclosure Stories. Notice how, by using himself as an example, he invites you to look at yourself.

Notice how his teaching you important lessons framed in a “I blew it” story enables him to be a powerful teacher while at the same time, not coming across as a Know-It-All “I’m the guru and you’re not” way that some authorities adopt.

When you read his story, imagine him sitting with you as your coach and sharing this with you. Would you not be riveted by the story and would it not stay with you in a far more powerful way than if he just lectured at you about what you should do?

OK, enough preamble, it’s time to enjoy the story by Peter Bregman

 

 

Jun 27, 2018 | 0 comments View Post

How to Use “If I could handle that, I can handle this!” Stories in Coaching

 

One of the story genres that are especially helpful to coaches or anybody helping people face a major challenge is the “If I could handle THAT, I can handle THIS” story.

By sharing your own “If I could handle THAT, I can handle THIS” story with a client–or if you’re a manager, with a team member or your whole team–and then asking them to share their own version of this experience, you can help them shift from a state of disempowerment where they cannot see any possibilities to one of empowerment, where they can.

Because one’s emotional and physiological state affects how one perceives a situation–e.g., if you’re tired, problems look bigger than when you’re rested–helping someone shift to a more powerful emotional and physiological state helps them shift their perception. They are able to see the situation in a very different way; they are able to see possibilities and options where before they could not.

Telling an “If I could handle THAT, I can handle THIS” or a “I didn’t think I could do it…but I did!” story well doesn’t just help shift the listener’s state.

 

 

It also triggers the listener’s mind to search for similar experiences in their memory bank.

Think about what happens when someone shares an experience with you.

You find yourself thinking of your own version of that experience.

When you share a “If I could handle THAT, I can handle THIS” or a “I didn’t think I could do it…but I did!”story with a person, they aren’t just taking in your story.

Their mind is connecting YOUR story with their own version of that experience.

This further shifts their emotional/physiological state.

Then, having them share their own experience, accesses that state even more.

Now…in this emotional/physiological state, they are FAR more capable of seeing solutions and believing they can solve the problem.

Here is a brief excerpt from a program on resilience where I share my own “If I could handle THAT, I can handle THIS” story with the group and ask them to do the same with a partner, and then discuss how to use this when helping their team navigate the major technology initiative their organization was undergoing.

Jun 20, 2017 | 0 comments View Post

Storytelling for Coaches and Leaders: “If I can handle THAT, I can handle THIS” Stories

Storytelling is a great way for coaches to help a client shift to a more empowered state so they can start to problem-solve and brainstorm how to deal with a challenging situation.

As long as the client is feeling overwhelmed and impotent, they aren’t able to consider possibilities or problem-solve. They need to shift to a more positive emotional state for them to see possibilities and solutions.

Here’s an excerpt from a program I did on resilience where I tell them a story about where my interest in resilience came from and then used this as an example of how to use “If I handle THAT, I can handle THIS!” stories to shift people to a more powerful, optimistic state.

These stories are also a great example of using storytelling in business, more specifically how leaders can use stories to “rally the troops” when they are feeling stuck or overwhelmed in the face of major obstacles. This kind of story also helps leaders inspire employees to believe that a difficult change initiative is truly positive. By recalling past challenges they’ve overcome, the leader not only reminds employees “We can do this because we’ve done hard things before” telling the story shifts the listener’s state (i.e. their employees) and in that more inspired state, they are more able to see the change as possible.

Apr 23, 2017 | 0 comments View Post

Be a Great Interviewee: Tell Stories, Give Examples…and DON’T Get Stuck in ConceptVille

two male hands with thumbs up and down on white backgroundI just listened to an interview that, while interesting, could have been MUCH more interesting and compelling if the interviewee used examples and told stories to illustrate his points.

Here’s one example of what I mean.

The interviewee teaches mindfulness in prisons and himself had spent 14 years behind bars.

He shared his belief in the based goodness of humanity.

The interviewer asked him how challenging it was to believe in humanity’s basic goodness while living in an environment where you saw mankind behaving badly every day.

He replied by describing his informal research project while incarcerated, where he tried to find an example of a person who was inherently bad. He laughingly said that each time he thought “Alright…here’s my guy” that person would do something that revealed his basic goodness.

That’s It?????

After he moved on from that point, I found myself thinking “HEY…give me some examples of this! What did they do that surprised you…that changed your mind? I want to remember these when I find myself struggling to see the basic goodness in somebody.”

I wanted concrete examples.

I wanted specifics.

I wanted stories.

I would have loved a short story dramatizing some of the bad behaviors someone exhibited and then the surprising act of kindness, compassion, or generosity they were capable of.

I felt cheated.

And your audience feels that way when you speak only in abstract, conceptual terms–like this gentleman did–rather than following the use of conceptual and abstract terms with:

“…let me give you an example”

“…here’s an example of what I mean…”

or…telling a story that illustrates your point and then reflecting on the key takeaway message.

How to Put This To Use

For each key point you want to make, whether in an interview or a presentation, make sure you have an example and/or a story to illustrate it.

For More On This Topic

For more on how to move from ConceptVille to StoryVille when you’re doing an interviewee or speaking on a topic, check out How NOT to Suck When the Media Comes Calling

Jun 01, 2016 | 0 comments View Post

That goal of yours…it’s waiting for you to reach out for it.

This story serves four purposes:

  1. It illustrates how to use a story to end off a presentation.
  2. It illustrates how, if you pay attention to your life, you can find stories everywhere.
  3. It illustrates how you can find stories to use in presentations by noticing when you are surprised, amused, or intrigued and ask: “Hmmm…how might I use this experience as a teaching story, or as a metaphor to explain a concept or make a teaching point more memorable?”
  4. The story itself might be just the medicine you need if you’re feeling stuck or if some goal you want so badly seems unattainable.

The story is from a presentation I gave, titled, Tell a Better Story. Become More Interesting. Grow Your Business, as a partner event during Maine Startup and Create Week in 2015

May 06, 2016 | 0 comments View Post

Presentation Skill Fundamentals: Start Off With a Story

 

me at O'MaineStarting your presentation off with a story is a great way to:

  1. Signal “This is different, so pay attention.”–Because it’s not the typical “Great to be here” opening or long intro/warm-up before the “real” material kicks in, starting with a story signals “this is different from the typical talk you’re  used to.” Thus it grabs their attention.

2. Grab the audience’s attention by creating an emotional connection.–Starting with a story that speaks to the audience’s key source of pain, and/or also shows what’s possible if they listen to and apply what you’re going to talk about, communicates “I understand  you and what I have will be helpful to you.” Since it speaks to something very relevant, and emotionally-charged, it grabs the audience at an emotional, visceral level, which makes them more alert and attentive.

Here’s a short clip of the story I used to open a talk titled Tell a Better Story. Become More Interesting. Grow Your Business. Notice how this story taps into a source of pain (and anxiety) many entrepreneurs and business owners (my audience at this event) have and…provides a picture of what’s possible if they listen to what I’m going to share.

Mar 30, 2016 | 0 comments View Post
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